this I know...

I am truly blessed!
THANK You god for my life!
PATIENCE is a virtue!
Good/GREAT things DO come to those who wait!
I live with NO regrets!
TRUE love never says a WORD!


Self Acceptance...

it is as gratifying:

as the sun is bright

as the day is long
as the summer's are hot
as the springs are beautiful
as the laughter of a child is contagious
as the ocean is salty
as your slumber is never enough
as your dream's should always be bigger than you
as the time that passes fast only makes memories for you
when you come to the realization that you have done all you can do to make your life the best it can be
when you are in a state of mind that makes you realize that there is nothing more you can do
when you realize you HAVE accomplished most of your life goal's
when you realize that the best memories are the one's you live with on a daily basis
when you come to the realization that life is too short to regret anything.......
you look in the mirror and say:
"I AM ME, TAKE ME OR LEAVE ME" I am HAPPY with me and there is nothing I am not willing to do for ME!
the rest comes together and you will be pleasantly surprised just who you find and I may not be talking about yourself!!


from a WISE man ..

"You are not rich until you owe someone/somebody money"
I am convinced money is the root of all evil and for this it has destroyed a family! Can someone please tell me that there is NO AMOUNT OF MONEY that would cause them to turn on their own flesh & blood?
Is there NOTHING one would not do, NO distance far enough, NO depths one would not reach to make sure that all you ever cared about was safe/secure and well taken care of?
This writing today comes with an extremely heavy heart, one that aches for those I am witnessing being destroyed and forced to question the very people they once loved!
I truly believe and practice that one is the richest when they have all the things they want in life, how big or how small, the choice is yours .. I'm thankful each and every moment for my own Health/Family as well as my multiple daily Blessings, I find them everywhere and that is a gift NO ONE can EVER take away!!


does one REALLY know..

it seems lately there is a lot of talk about life being a gift..last night while on our road trip, train ride, we sat next a a lady from Michigan, clearly on vacation and spending a lot of her time in the Yosemite mountain area.
she was snapping pictures of people as we walked about, ate, then boarded and rode the train to our next destination.
she soon caught eye of David, or he caught the eye of her, he is such a little flirt!
on the 45 minute train ride to the camp fire she snapped a few of his pictures, totally candid and at one point I thought to myself, "what is she doing, this seems kinna weird" but as we talked and as she snapped many others I pictured them all showing up in an art display/gallery somewhere for all others to view the faces of the world, if you will! she even captured a few of me laughing and playing with David at the camp fire.
THEN it happened, one of the singer's in the band began to talk about it, the "gift" of life and what humans take for granted in nature as well as the shortness & purpose of one's life.
at that moment I thought to myself, this lady REALLY needs to know the story behind David, she would so need to keep this with her as she will always have the pictures, my mind kept justifying telling her how he came about!
UNTIL he climbed up onto her lap and they sang the last song of the night, sitting at the camp fire, America the Beautiful, he sat facing her and she sang to him and he was humming and mouthing all the words she sing to him. as I stood a few steps back and watched this amazing exchange, I knew right then that she knew the story and got from him at that very moment all she needed to know about the little boy with BIG brown eyes she had been photographing and laughing with for the last 2 hours!

God Bless my life....


heavy sigh...


emotions are HIGH then LOW...how does one's body become so resistant to such abuse?

today is a better day, well, better than the prior 3 if you will. all seems to be well, but the damage is done, the words have been spoken and the fact that you have been made to "settle" for something and it is against all you've wanted/wished for is something less than a victory.

you move on with the hopes that 'someday' just SOMEDAY it will all be understood and have the knowledge that there are truly SOME things that are not in your control and you have to take comfort in knowing they will always come back to you -=- when you can make that effort, make it count!!

im certain they know what it would be like if I was NOT here, because I definately know what it would be like if they were NOT here!

take a moment to send a positive message, perhaps a word of encouragement to someone that is on your mind at this very moment, it may just be what they needed to hear/read...till next time



"Others' unpredictably could have far more effect on you than you might like. You might want to retreat. You feel as if you are caught between a rock and a hard place. RELAX"
My NOT so fav word, relax, but is very fitting after the last couple days I have had! Soooooo, I will, relax that is..
I've been vociferous and spoke my feeling in regards to feeling like I was taking back seat in a wedding I have waited all her life for. For her only to admit she has been "humoring me" and shooting down every suggestion I have given, it has already been thought of, taken care of...
I've taken a stance on a disrespectful child, newly turned 18, so adult, and have only had it thrown back in my face. For her to leave me a voice mail that was fit for a 12 year old, words could not explain the overwhelming urge to throw my phone off the highest mountain.
I've been 'scolded' by an ex-husband who is a hypocrite of his own life quoting "there is always 2 sides to a/the story" yet NOT wanting to hear the other side & quick to judge and only become involved 'when' it may benefit him. I will leave the scary stories and details to my own demise!
I've cried..
I've called and apologized with the suggestion of talking more in detail only for it to not be accepted..
I do have a GREAT support system
I do know she will come around
I do know that it hurts as bad as it feels
I do know this to shall pass
I do know that it will be a magical day
I do know that I have done ALL I CAN for them as they are today who I have made them!
I do know they realize and appreciate me!
huge HEAVY sigh


TIME has a way...

I am secretly losing my dam mind!

I have an 18 year old that is in a completely selfish mode right now and as hard as it is, I have to let it pass, it truly is killing me inside!

I have a 21 year old that is now planning the wedding of her dreams and I feel like I am being forced to just let it happen and all I say is, in my opinion, is not taken with any merit. I KNOW I KNOW, this is HER day and I want nothing more for this amazing young woman, one that I gave life to, but it hurts to know you can't provide every last need for your children. They may say it is ok, and that they understand, but I think they will always remember such times!

I am in the "prime" of my life right now, I feel & look GREAT!! Yet Im starting all over again.
It is extremely bitter-sweet, Im convinced "No-One" comes close to understanding my daily thought/emotions!!
I see my life ahead SO rich & plentiful yet most of the time it is floating so high above me I can't reach it, the tearing sensation is more than I can bare most of the time!

recent comments:
"does he think your his mom?"
"BOTH your girl's are out of school and now adults" "He is just turning 3 years old now, WOW!"
"You are such a good auntie" does he call mommy/know your not his mommy?"

I know and I get that it is a courageous thing to do, most people say things and DO NOT even realize the impact it has/will have. I just wish things were different and people were not so ignorant, scared, selfish or judgemental!

I think Im done, for now anyway!



I'm a "tad" ashamed that is has been well over 2 months since my last entry! I proclaim to be back on track and post weekly, try for daily.

Life has been good to me, I have very little to complain about. I had a couple vacation treats and 3 weeks to complete them, it felt GREAT to have been able to afford myself such luxuries!!

I unfortunately though lost a dear Uncle, my father's oldest brother in between this time and will miss him dearly. It was a semi-expected loss, but when are you EVER prepared?
I was blessed to be able to be part of the support system for my father cursed to have been a witness to death, once again. Do you ever get used to it? Does it ever get any easier? I take it as a life experience and pull as much positive out of it as I can, if not, because it would most certainly be the demise of most!

to ENCOUNTER it, makes you APPRECIATE it! AMEN


tonight was yet another reminder of how precious life really is...
not one single person should ever have to say "good-bye" prematurely to a loved one, let alone their own child, especially when the guilt is proclaimed on you for their careless act...
the ripple effect of all the lives that are affected is endless!

with personally having been effected by suicide a few years ago now, the only thing that was found to be on his person was my home phone number, the questions were never ending...WHY did he not call? WHY would he have thought "no one" could help him? HOW did it get this far? I felt the guilt for many years after until one day I realized, these were HIS issues and not mine, I had extended my ear, my shoulder and my home, he choose not to use them...to him perhaps, he choose the easy way out!

Even though I still miss him, I wonder what kind of man he would be today, as he was about to turn 16 years old and had his entire life ahead of him with endless possibilities...I did say a silent prayer for the family that was affected tonight and hope they can take comfort in knowing that the loss although tragic was nothing they could have avoided.

I sent my daughters a text message at that moment, told them I loved them and missed them!


life's little reminder's..

as we took our evening walk..it was cool with a slight breeze, the sun was about an hour from setting as it shed warmth on our backs...

as David relaxed in his stroller, we rounded a corner just as the wind picked up a gust, David took a big breath then let out a small sigh, as he threw one hand to the wind, I excited him by making a windy sound, he raised both hands up as if to let the wind carry him away, carefree and totally unsuspecting...

the innocence and freedom of such a feeling of the wind blowing, flowing your hands as if you can hold it, the wind whipping through your hair and embracing you face...

we have daily reminders of our freedom and nature's blessings, have you recognized one today? especially on this Memorial day, I thought an appropriate reflection!


WoW! I did it!! I followed through with a project, a major accomplishment if you will..I feel like I am walking on air.

I am, as you know working on a book for my son, an explanation for him, of him. In the meantime, which was an AWESOME book also, found some of my writing's and decided "why not" and compiled them into a book of their own along with some of my favorite photos, also taken by yours truly.

I told very little people what I was doing, even my closest of friends and family. They were to say the least, shocked, and wowed, yet not at all surprised I was able to pull it off. A feeling I can not even put in words, I simply say, "It's just what I do" {wink} GREAT title if I don't say so myself.

I let a co-worker read the entire book as it was still a rough draft, she was speechless and in tears. I amazed my mother the following day with the news and then gave the review to my father, the last page of the 40 page book is dedicated to him, who he is in 'my' eyes. My father was reduced to a somber `sob`, it was extremely bitter-sweet.

The fact that this has such an impact at this small of a level makes me a giant in my own skin. I want to SCREAM at the highest of mountains, I WROTE A BOOK, although I would probably be admitted for being crazy in public, but it would be so worth it and who knows I would probably have excellent material for a 2nd, even 3rd book! HaHa

I am still me, the same person who struggles with "what-ifs" just with a HUGE smile and love for my life just how it is!

I will continue to press on with my son's book and believe as I was taught, " the sky is the limit "

p.s. in case I've "peeked" your interest


Time Flies ..

after a major wardrobe malfunction, aka: computer crash and some minor repairs I am back up and running..

I have completed and published a book, as well as continue to work on the one I have teased you with the last few entries! TeeHee

I will stay focused now and give you more of what you crave, well, at least come back for more of..

wishing you a GREAT & blessed day..till we meet again!


Pg 2 .. minus some photos .. =)

a baby said to god 'they tell me you are sending me to earth tommorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?'God said 'your mom will be waiting for you and take care of you'

the baby further asked 'but tell me god, here in heaven I don't have to do anything but sing & smile and be happy' God said 'your mom will sing for you and will also smile for you, you will feel your mom's love and be very happy'

the baby asked god 'how will I be able to understand when people talk to me if I don't know the language?'God said 'your mom will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience & care, your mom will teach you how to speak'

the baby seemed confused 'what am I going to be when I want to talk to you?'God said 'your mom will place your hands together and teach you how to pray'

the baby now concerned 'who will protect me'God said 'your angel will defend you even if it means risking her own life'
the baby began to cry 'I will be sad because I will not see you anymore'God said 'your mom will always talk to you about "me" and will teach you the way to come back to "ME", even though I will always be next to you'

at that very moment there was much peace in heaven, but the voices from Earth could be heard, the baby asked one last thing from God 'if Im to leave right now, please tell me my mom's name'
God said 'you will simply call her your "HEART" mom'


HERE IT IS...well, the INTRO page

There comes a time in every one's life when they have to say "good-bye". You pray it is much later and not sooner.
When the time comes, you may have some choices to make and decisions to ponder. You don't always have the time to decide what might be in the best interest of those that will be affected and/or left behind.
You do the best you can with what you have! THESE will be the words you will live by..


A writer I will be...

I am going to write a book so David will be able to have, in my words, an explanation of his existence.

I dread the day I have to explain to him how I am his birth Aunt, yet he calls me "momma" .. how his birth cousin's he now calls "sissy" and "ca-ca"!!
Bare with me, this is a very personal and extremely emotional ordeal for me.

I will publish a page a day/or so...If I get brave enough I will attempt to produce the entire bitter-sweet tragedy as I like to refer to it!

Hope this, as always, finds you smiling and don't forget, your 'daily' random act of kindness.

Till next entry, have a beautiful day!


I'm just saying...

I wonder why .. When I see something wrong, no one else can see it?

I wonder why .. People think that yelling at you makes you respond faster or more genuine?

I wonder why .. Fresh cut grass smells SO good!

I wonder why .. Blossoms make you sneeze but not the "bumble bees"?

I wonder why .. a bumble bees kiss stings?

I wonder why .. Life is SO short?

I wonder why .. at times it seems as if time is standing still, at others it flies by!

I wonder why .. finding time for yourself is SO hard?

I wonder why .. punishing a child hurts you worse than it does the child!

I wonder why .. a good ole' "nap" cures all, can we research and patented that?

I wonder why .. beauty is in the eye of the beholder, does that mean that to everyone else your ugly?

I wonder why .. little eyes and ears see & hear things we don't or can't or plain ole' refuse too..Ohh to be young again!

I wonder why .. music is god for the soul..

I wonder why .. some forgive and some forget, but never both!

I wonder why .. people think I want to hear the music while I'm sitting tight inside my home, with my doors/windows closed as they drive by..

I wonder why .. I wonder WHY!!


this day ..

today is an absolutely beautiful day!

woke up to the sweetest little face pressed up against mine and a smile that can never be described to give it justice!

it was as earlier than I would have wished but would not have been more blessed at that very moment!

we ate breakfast together, went outside to start the water in the yard and then we took a walk, the streets were quiet and no one was out and about, it was as if we were the only ones awake and it felt amazing!

I did stop and smell the flowers, I enjoyed the sights of bird's singing & bathing in the fresh mist that lay on the fresh watered grass they had chosen!

It amazes me how you can feel SO incomplete in some portion's of your life and some things are out of your control yet completely affect and disable you when they are not right!!

THEN you have a day like this one given to me this morning, and you have to smile and say..

"it will all be o.k." YOU have to have that faith, it is there, use it!!


is first and foremost!!
Cleanliness is a fresh/soft Q-tip when your right out of the shower..
Contentment is your bed after a long stressful day..MY bed is "super dellish"..
Strength is your ability to look past the weakness..
Relax{ing} is when you do nothing because you have nothing to do..
Accomplishment is when you {can} smile at the end of the day because you believe you made good choices..


the rules...

are supposed to be simple, basic and not hard to follow...

Boundaries are just that, put in place so you can have a clear understanding of what is acceptable.

Rules are basic bits of information that are in place so the whole world does not fall to it's own demise.

Honesty is something that you are able to give to someone, put in place if you will only as you are comfortable within yourself to admit, acknowledge and accept what the issue at hand may be.

Communication is a `must` in everyday life, EVERYone has it in them, it is up to them how, when and IF they choose to use it. It is truly sad when someone chooses to NOT to use this vice as it could be the best thing that ever happened to them.

Shutting down, not understanding or even being able to acknowledge things that happen in your life will only destroy you and prevent you from becoming the person you truly are inside.

Is it possible that a person can want something SO BADLY that it over shadows the very environment that your said "dream" is being provided?

Happiness at someone else's expense is still settling and should not even be a concept. I truly still believe there is someone out there who has every ability/attribute I am willing to settle for!

for now, I will continue my search..wish me luck!


last night...

the rain soaked the ground, the hail was forceful, the lightening lit the sky and the thunder roared making it's presence known! Are you afraid of nature or do you admire it?

there was extreme violence, someone was threatened, someone lost their life and a few left fighting for theirs! Do you think you could be related to one of them?

there was a elderly female who required assistance as she thought someone had broken into her home, she was scared and had locked herself in her bathroom until help could arrive! is this your Mother/Grand/Great Grandmother?

there was a demand from all who seems to reach out for help that was overwhelming! Why do some have the patience to endure this day in and day out?

there was question of what more this night could bring...this is all that happened when you were sleeping last night, so please say your prayers when you go to bed each and every night and know there are angels who are on duty to protect you and your family!

I drove home in silence, it was the sweetest sound I heard all night..They sky was dark gray, almost black in some places, the clouds broken apart w/a hue of a full shiny moon peeking through.

what most people take for granted, some live on a daily basis!


who is he?

he is the strongest man I will ever know...
he is the one whom I will love forever...
he is the only one I will `always` want to please...
he is the one who can make me weep at his greeting...
he is the one who's words mean the most...
he is the one who's lessons are spoken and mistakes are heeded...
he is the one I long to be like...
he is the one I can go to for ANYthing, this I learned the hard way...
he is the one I saw cry for the first time in my entire life, nearly 3 years ago and that is the day I truly knew who HE was!

My dad is a man of integrity, honesty, loyalty, sensitivity and most of all, LOVE! I never really knew my father, I knew of him and I knew he took care of his family and was a very, very hard worker...He cared for us always and was there to throw the ball and support me as I played his favorite sport, Baseball/Softball and not to forget to also give a firm hand when I needed it...

Life is defined by what you have learned through the years and what you have come to appreciate, THANK YOU DAD for being the man you are and NEVER faulting from that!
Don't thank me for what I have done or what I am doing because all it is is a reflection of YOU!

I luv you


I try to live by....

"pretty starts with you!"

"dream like you will live forever
live like you were dying tomorrow &
love like you have never been hurt"

"life is a book and you are the author"

"bad trips make great stories"

"not all whom wander are lost"

"i've learned good-byes will always hurt"

"smile when your sad"

"the human body is sacred"

"happiness give us the energy which is the basis or {our} health"

"jealousy is a form of fear"

"gratitude is a seed one plant's"

"lather, rinse, repeat!"

"do your best to enjoy the journey"

"forgive yourself"

"to belittle is to be little!"


"actions speak louder than words!"


Love & Money...

does one outweigh the other, are they EVER equal or do they exist as a whole?

as I woke up this morning, the note simply read:
"I hope you feel better, I made this to make you smile"
my reply:
"it worked!!!"

I have had a week of the littlest things being done, that ultimately has made a huge impact on the way I look at my life!
there are no BIG promises..
there are no BIG plans..
there is no BIG diamond..
there is no mansion..
there is no lavish vacation..
there is NO money that could buy the love I feel and the security he gives me..
the faith in knowing he will NEVER be untrue to me..It is the scariest thing I have felt in a long time..
I think I am opening up to the fact that there is a "Happy Ending" and I may have found it!


as I sat there....

all I thought about was the first time I had ever held them!

The day started out w/a text that said "I love you and miss you" it was from my youngest daughter Andrea and I'm sure was about the time she was getting ready for school.
As a divorced/single parent in an extraordinary situation to not have your children with you is something that is with you every minute of your day..It makes you stronger and so very thankful for the time you have with them!
I replied to her text and a dinner was set for that very evening, she and her boyfriend were going driver in to meet me and David. David was so very excited to see 'sissy'.
I had received another text prior to her arrival that said "on our way momma and I have a surprise for you"
I replied "I can't wait"
They arrived and as we were being seated Andi told the hostess, "there will be 2 others joining us" as she looked at me with a grin.
We sat down and ordered our drinks and she proceeded to order for the 2 to follow, she said 'they will have Dr. Pepper' I knew right away it would be my oldest daughter and her boyfriend. They would be driving from almost 45 minutes away to just have a dinner w/us and turn around and go home.
THIS is when you know you have raised the most amazing kids ever!!
...as we all sat at the table, talked, laughed, ate I saw them each interacting with one another as well as their boyfriends it silenced all the background noise for me and took me to the first days I spent with them, holding and interacting with them and made me as proud of them today as the day I held them as my own.
Difference now is, I have to share them with others and take to heart they will continue to be the greatest young women they have grown to be..their families will be so rich in love!


what ever will he be...

the room suddenly got quiet and I had to question myself in silence, what is he up to, where has he gone to?
then I heard a faint noise, a strumming sound if you will. I followed the noise into a back room, a converted garage where there is a place for everything and everything in it's place!
I hear the guitar but not him, at first glance. I step closer to the doorway and see him standing in the dark corner with a guitar leaning from a corner, over shadowing him. He has a look of amazement as he strokes the strings and they answer him back.
He sees me and with a look of joy, tells me "wook mama, a gitar" I say "yes baby, I see your playing the guitar, it sounds beautiful, good boy!" He returns a VERY pleasing smile to me.
My father came into the room, took the guitar from the corner and sat down in a chair and as I left the room, he was on my dad's lap & they were playing the guitar and singing a song they had just made up..It was the most precious thing ever.

His latest fashion phase is either his cowboy hat or his choo-choo {train} engineer hat

He has an arm that is rock solid and dead on, only approaching 3 yr old

Will he be a musician?
Will he be a cowboy?
Will he be a baseball player?

He will be whatever he wants to be and have all the guidance and support one could ask for. This I truly believe will make him one of the most successful and productive people I will ever come across!!

God Bless you David


as I lay me down to sleep...

When you give it your all & it's all you have...When your best is what they always see...When you feel your worth is worthless...When it doesn't seem to matter is when it matters the most...When you stand up for what you believe in and at the end of the day you are standing alone...When you want to win the losing game...When you look so far within yourself for the answers you seem to get lost...Is that when you really reflect on your life & it's meaning? Are you the ONLY one that 'gets' it? Is one truly happy if they never question their very being?

I will be the first to admit I get "sappy" when I get tired as the last 4 or 5 days have been very exhausting for me. I write and feel TONS better, soooooo no worries about me I am a fighter/survivor and always come out w/a smile!
Just enjoy reading and know you are NOT alone...Me


found poetry ....

I came across these recently and they were written by my daughters, they are amazing beautiful souls!

"a kiss for you"
"a kiss for me"
then I can see what you do to the very few who are lucky to lay next to you"
Andrea Nicole Johansen/17 yrs old

Snow Ball

I made myself a snowball as perfect as could be.
I thought I'd keep it as a pet, and I would let it sleep with me.
I made it pajamas and a pillow for it's head.
The last night it ran away, but first,
it WET the bed!
Erica Christine Johansen/unk school-age
original by
Shel Silverstein


People, People, PEOPLE...

the general public, the same people that claim they {solely} pay my salary but un-benonced to them, they give me the job security I deserve and the laughter I need!
me: 9-1-1, what is your emergency
female: {classic beginning} well, it really ISN'T an emergency.....BUT I was walking in the area and saw a veh parked in a p lot behind a business that has the pssngr window broken out, the pssngr door is open as well as the trunk. I think there was a struggle.
me: why do you think there was a struggle, do you see anyone around the vehicle?
female: no, there is a pair of ladies shoes, one by the trunk and the other one about 8 feet away, I think it may have been a domestic situation.
me: what is the make/model of the vehicle?
female: I don't know, I think it might be a little Honda type car
me: what color is the vehicle?
female: I'm not too sure, maybe Honda blue .. I didn't want to touch anything in case there was a struggle
me: o.k. I can have someone go check the vehicle, are you close enough or in the area to obtain a lic plate for me
female: no, I am almost 2 blocks away now, then she paused.........THEN she asks me in a half-assed laughing state.......
me: thank you for you call ma'am

Close enough to see the NICE leather shoes but not close enough to get me the information I needed, as in the Make/Model/Color or Lic plate of the vehicle.

Male caller inquiring to where his vehicle had been towed..

me: do you have the license plate to your vehicle sir?
male: no but I have a case #
me: researching the case # and of course can't find any information on it. I proceed to look up the vehicle by registered owner.
male: it may be under my wife's name as well
me: I will continue to look sir but unless I know exactly how DMV put it in the system, I am at their mercy unless you have the license plate #. Where were you stopped sir?
male: advised location of the most recent DUI check point. WAIT, I found the license plate.
me: I advised the male where his vehicle was towed to and that there was a 30 day hold on the vehicle.
male: U R KIDDING ME, right?
me: no sir, it is a DUI hold, you were drinking and driving you can't get your vehicle as soon as you think your sober
male: wow, OK
me: have a nice day sir

W E L L .... I receive yet another all about 20 minutes after this conversation....
male: I just called and talked to someone about my vehicle being impounded and I need to see if I can get a special condition for the truck, it is my work truck and I need it
me: sir, you would have to go to court to have such conditions placed on the vehicle or your record.
male: my court date is not until June
me: you can contact our records division as well as the tow company, but you will have to wait the 30 days for your truck, you were drinking & driving sir
male: I wasn't drunk but whatever ..how can I get a hold of the officer to tell him I need my truck and he can change his mind and release it sooner
me: sir that is NOT an option and you will have to wait the 30 days.
male: ended the phone call

WHY is it suddenly my problem that you choose to drink and drive and put me, my family and friends in jeopardy with your selfless act of ignorance?


a Happy Ending....

my night at work could be described as 'busy' at best. I left the house w/a little man NOT happy that I was going to work and had worked himself up as I was rushing out the door.

I got to work and as I checked in he was fast alseep & unfortunately with a lot of movement during the night.

I returned home only to find a little shadow standing within the shutters, decorating the HUGE window that looks out towards the street. As I began to pull into the driveway, I stopped, rolled the window down and waved really big, I saw in return a little tiny hand waving back.

As I pulled into the driveway, into the garage, I gathered my belongings and went into the house. My little man was STILL at the window as I heard him whispering "mama home" which filled my heart so full it almost burst!

He then ran into the living room, not even looking into the kitchen where I had been standing and just set my stuff down. He heard the slight movement and made a 'dash' back to the window, just catching sight of me standing there, he made an abrupt turn, almost slipping and sliding in his Elmo slippers and rushed into my arms. The thoughts and feelings at that VERY moment are un-explainable, or in simple terms, JOY!

I held/loved him for quite sometime, we shared a banana and then sat on the floor and played ball {roll back}. I was exhausted and would not have given that time up for anything in the world. SO much so when I was finally able to lie down to sleep all I heard was the pitter-patter of his little feet all over the house. He was obvisouly also filled with joy!

this is MY life!


If you had....

a million dollars, how would you share it? DON'T be greedy it is NOT becoming of you!

ONE more chance to say I love you, who would you call? It might be the last thing they hear from you or NEED to hear from you..

ONE more day, what would you do, who would you spend it with? Think 'really' hard about this one, it may not be that obvious!

a choice between life and death, what would you choose? Your life would mean nothing and you death would change lives..

a chance to talk to someone in the past or present who would it be?

the power to change someone's life, would you? What would you do?

the choice to be RICH in love or RICH in money which would you choose?

the chance to do it over would you?

the opportunity to "freeze" your life where it is now would you do so?

to give up one thing in your life, something from your daily routine, a luxury, a habit, bad or good, what would it be? Think long and hard on this one, you may never get it back?

the choice to be a follower or a leader, which would you choose? Are you strong enough to be a leader or weak enough to be a follower?

a chance to make a difference, would you? I'm not talking about joining a cause, I mean truly making a difference, do we even know what that means anymore?

an opportunity to fast forward your life..maybe like a remote, "skip to the next frame, stop"

NO more access to e-mail or cell phones, would you even remember how to write a letter, call/talk from a stationary phone, where would you even find the time?

a chance to live out a scene from you all time 'favorite' movie, what would it be? MINE, for sure would be something within the {orig} Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory!

to admit your faults, are you strong enough to do so?

Bottom line here folks is we ALL have a chance to make a difference in our daily lives and touch others w/random acts of kindness!
They do not have to be big, you don't have to move mountains, you just simply have to make an attempt and recognize the impact you may have had, it is truly that simple!
Try it, you might like it and heaven forbid it become a habit!!


how can it be?

that his belly-laugh makes you chuckle, makes you feel like a kid again...

that his smile is SO contagious...

that his hurt is your pain...

that his mannerism's are your courtesy...

that his words are your vocabulary...

that his happiness is your life...

that his being is your very existence...

that his knowledge is your learning...

that his words of 'momma i wub eww' melt you...

Do you think it was all worth it, Do you think you have done a decent/good job?
Don't questions it, you already know the answers!!

Sleep Tight my precious little man
XoXo Momma

my job here is done!

What the "general" public doesn't realize...

When you work in a field such as mine, you literally live behind the scenes.

You are the voice that is heard and the face that is never seen..
You give them the advise they want to hear, because no matter what you say, they will be right!
You send them the help they need..
You are a counselor..
You are a ear to bend..
You very rarely get thanked for doing what you do best..
You are often reminded that "I pay your salary"..
You get yelled, screamed and cursed at on a daily basis..
You are lied to..
You have to ask questions to get the information you need when the caller is less than cooperative and wanted YOU to take care of their needs yesterday!

You are also in a position, remember, I said YOU, meaning 1 person, will be assigned a radio channel that has anywhere from 10 to 30+ officers at one time YOU are in charge of..
You will get several people talking to you at one time and wanting all their information at the very moment they requested it..
You may be in a position were you are laughing w/your co-workers then in an instant you will find yourself getting help to an officer whom has just been involved in a critical incident! You don't have time to ask questions, your adrenaline kicks in and you do what needs to be done. You don't have time, until you lie down to sleep to worry about what had happened. Your too busy taking the next call for help or assisting the next officer with a request he or she may have!

You have NO idea but by your own senses if it is light or dark outside, sunny or raining, but you must know EXACTLY where all your officer's are and be able to direct any unit within the city to where you need them.
You also have to convey to them, paint a picture if you will, all the information they need in order to handle the particular incident.
All the while you never see the caller, you will never see the crime, you will never see the officer and you will never see the end result! If you have built a re poor with the officer and you are able to talk to him or her {most likely via computer} about the incident/call you had in common with he or she is the only way you may get some sort of closure or peace with what may have happened..

At the end of your shift you simply unplug your head set and you go home.
You have NO closure!
You have NO outlet!
You deal with tragedy as it is happening..You may re-live it while watching it on the news or reading about it in the paper..see the faces of who it affected, see them cry or see them mourn..
You wonder who they are, where they came from and how will they survive?

as for ME, it is just another day at the office!


Peace & Quiet

I wish I will I wish I may..I wish I was at the Beach right now and this was my view!

This is truly the only place on earth I can go and literally have no thoughts/feelings/sadness/concern or worries! It is truly heaven to me..

Today was such a beautiful day, the sun was shining, children were outside playing and laughing, my dad and his 'gang' took their bikes on a Sunday drive, simply enjoying the day as it is.

As I sit on my patio and watch the sunset, I say a silent prayer to those I miss and smile for the grateful life I have been blessed with!!

so long for now..


Morning thoughts...


when an OLD friend says things that are so very hurtful, is it truly their demeanor? It is something you truly have been struggling with and have never approved of their action's but their intentions would move mountains!

when your children test and push you to the point you have given up on them, when in all actuality you have given up on yourself. You are the one who raised them the way they are. YES, let them back in and keep the lines of communication OPEN and HONEST! Trust me, it will be the best thing that could have happened between the two of you!

second chances, they are real, they are struggles, they are HUGE choices, they could be the worse thing or they could be the best thing that could have EVER happened! Are you willing to take the chance?

when you are SO tired you begin to question your very being, whether it be in the current situation or your entire life, it can be very over-whelming..I choose to look at the very things that have me frustrated and silently find the strength in them to move forward and with a HUGE smile!

when people lie is it truly for their own good or yours? is it only hurtful because you may have found out about it and would have never known the difference? is there a difference in a chronic liar or a few little white lies here and there, when do they become habit and consume that person's life? I guess as long as your true to yourself then you can call it all even? Hmmmm

when a NEW friend from so long ago you can't remember comes into your life literally within moments and it is like old times in an instant!

O.K. I think I have touched all the basis for my issues today =)

ENJOY your day and don't forget to SMILE at a random person you come in contact w/today!!


Do YOU have it?

to Forgive...
to be Forgiven...
to ask for Forgiveness...
to Understand...
to be Understood...
to be the Better Person...
to be Respected...
to give Respect...
to be Grateful...
to give Gratitude...
to be Admired...
to be Admirable...
to have Faith...
to be Faithful...
to be Scared...
Human Nature or Human Preference??

The `Power` explained ...

To forgive is divine, to be forgiven is a gift and to ask for forgiveness will put you at peace.
To understand/be understanding is human, to be understood is a life long process which helps you become a better person.
To be respected is a life long journey, to give respect should be a daily ritual.
To be grateful is something we all posses. To give gratitude is a personal choice.
To be admired is a humbling, to be admirable is a blessing.
To have faith is a personal decision, to be faithful is from the heart.
To be scared is HUMAN nature and is something that we never outgrow, we learn to live with fear along with the choices we make. We deal with the things that come our way and we make the best of the situation.
We forgive those who wronged us-we may never understand why-be determined to be the better person in the end-never lose respect for yourself-be grateful daily for the gifts you do have-admire the life you have lived, are living-have faith that it will `never` be more than you can handle-it is o.k. to be scared!!

The Power
I have been blessed to `never` have had a broken bone..Well, does my 3rd toe 20 yrs ago count? It was my fault, I tripped on a base-board..
I was still able to function in a complete capacity..
A broken FINGER .. You can still point
A broken ARM .. You can still write
A broken LEG .. You can still walk
WHY when you have a broken HEART .. You can not Function, You can't Move or even Speak?
There is NO surgery required ..
There are NO pins involved ..
There is NO casting ..
Just your ability to stay strong and your will to survive!!

What do you think?





















I like to reflect on those things that make you go "Hmmm"
it's fun and you NEVER know who you might find
buried deep down inside!!