from a WISE man ..

"You are not rich until you owe someone/somebody money"
I am convinced money is the root of all evil and for this it has destroyed a family! Can someone please tell me that there is NO AMOUNT OF MONEY that would cause them to turn on their own flesh & blood?
Is there NOTHING one would not do, NO distance far enough, NO depths one would not reach to make sure that all you ever cared about was safe/secure and well taken care of?
This writing today comes with an extremely heavy heart, one that aches for those I am witnessing being destroyed and forced to question the very people they once loved!
I truly believe and practice that one is the richest when they have all the things they want in life, how big or how small, the choice is yours .. I'm thankful each and every moment for my own Health/Family as well as my multiple daily Blessings, I find them everywhere and that is a gift NO ONE can EVER take away!!


does one REALLY know..

it seems lately there is a lot of talk about life being a gift..last night while on our road trip, train ride, we sat next a a lady from Michigan, clearly on vacation and spending a lot of her time in the Yosemite mountain area.
she was snapping pictures of people as we walked about, ate, then boarded and rode the train to our next destination.
she soon caught eye of David, or he caught the eye of her, he is such a little flirt!
on the 45 minute train ride to the camp fire she snapped a few of his pictures, totally candid and at one point I thought to myself, "what is she doing, this seems kinna weird" but as we talked and as she snapped many others I pictured them all showing up in an art display/gallery somewhere for all others to view the faces of the world, if you will! she even captured a few of me laughing and playing with David at the camp fire.
THEN it happened, one of the singer's in the band began to talk about it, the "gift" of life and what humans take for granted in nature as well as the shortness & purpose of one's life.
at that moment I thought to myself, this lady REALLY needs to know the story behind David, she would so need to keep this with her as she will always have the pictures, my mind kept justifying telling her how he came about!
UNTIL he climbed up onto her lap and they sang the last song of the night, sitting at the camp fire, America the Beautiful, he sat facing her and she sang to him and he was humming and mouthing all the words she sing to him. as I stood a few steps back and watched this amazing exchange, I knew right then that she knew the story and got from him at that very moment all she needed to know about the little boy with BIG brown eyes she had been photographing and laughing with for the last 2 hours!

God Bless my life....


heavy sigh...


emotions are HIGH then LOW...how does one's body become so resistant to such abuse?

today is a better day, well, better than the prior 3 if you will. all seems to be well, but the damage is done, the words have been spoken and the fact that you have been made to "settle" for something and it is against all you've wanted/wished for is something less than a victory.

you move on with the hopes that 'someday' just SOMEDAY it will all be understood and have the knowledge that there are truly SOME things that are not in your control and you have to take comfort in knowing they will always come back to you -=- when you can make that effort, make it count!!

im certain they know what it would be like if I was NOT here, because I definately know what it would be like if they were NOT here!

take a moment to send a positive message, perhaps a word of encouragement to someone that is on your mind at this very moment, it may just be what they needed to hear/read...till next time



"Others' unpredictably could have far more effect on you than you might like. You might want to retreat. You feel as if you are caught between a rock and a hard place. RELAX"
My NOT so fav word, relax, but is very fitting after the last couple days I have had! Soooooo, I will, relax that is..
I've been vociferous and spoke my feeling in regards to feeling like I was taking back seat in a wedding I have waited all her life for. For her only to admit she has been "humoring me" and shooting down every suggestion I have given, it has already been thought of, taken care of...
I've taken a stance on a disrespectful child, newly turned 18, so adult, and have only had it thrown back in my face. For her to leave me a voice mail that was fit for a 12 year old, words could not explain the overwhelming urge to throw my phone off the highest mountain.
I've been 'scolded' by an ex-husband who is a hypocrite of his own life quoting "there is always 2 sides to a/the story" yet NOT wanting to hear the other side & quick to judge and only become involved 'when' it may benefit him. I will leave the scary stories and details to my own demise!
I've cried..
I've called and apologized with the suggestion of talking more in detail only for it to not be accepted..
I do have a GREAT support system
I do know she will come around
I do know that it hurts as bad as it feels
I do know this to shall pass
I do know that it will be a magical day
I do know that I have done ALL I CAN for them as they are today who I have made them!
I do know they realize and appreciate me!
huge HEAVY sigh


TIME has a way...

I am secretly losing my dam mind!

I have an 18 year old that is in a completely selfish mode right now and as hard as it is, I have to let it pass, it truly is killing me inside!

I have a 21 year old that is now planning the wedding of her dreams and I feel like I am being forced to just let it happen and all I say is, in my opinion, is not taken with any merit. I KNOW I KNOW, this is HER day and I want nothing more for this amazing young woman, one that I gave life to, but it hurts to know you can't provide every last need for your children. They may say it is ok, and that they understand, but I think they will always remember such times!

I am in the "prime" of my life right now, I feel & look GREAT!! Yet Im starting all over again.
It is extremely bitter-sweet, Im convinced "No-One" comes close to understanding my daily thought/emotions!!
I see my life ahead SO rich & plentiful yet most of the time it is floating so high above me I can't reach it, the tearing sensation is more than I can bare most of the time!

recent comments:
"does he think your his mom?"
"BOTH your girl's are out of school and now adults" "He is just turning 3 years old now, WOW!"
"You are such a good auntie" does he call mommy/know your not his mommy?"

I know and I get that it is a courageous thing to do, most people say things and DO NOT even realize the impact it has/will have. I just wish things were different and people were not so ignorant, scared, selfish or judgemental!

I think Im done, for now anyway!



I'm a "tad" ashamed that is has been well over 2 months since my last entry! I proclaim to be back on track and post weekly, try for daily.

Life has been good to me, I have very little to complain about. I had a couple vacation treats and 3 weeks to complete them, it felt GREAT to have been able to afford myself such luxuries!!

I unfortunately though lost a dear Uncle, my father's oldest brother in between this time and will miss him dearly. It was a semi-expected loss, but when are you EVER prepared?
I was blessed to be able to be part of the support system for my father cursed to have been a witness to death, once again. Do you ever get used to it? Does it ever get any easier? I take it as a life experience and pull as much positive out of it as I can, if not, because it would most certainly be the demise of most!

to ENCOUNTER it, makes you APPRECIATE it! AMEN