I just can NOT even....

I have literally never felt so useless in my entire life, everything is literally falling apart around me! Honestly, my household appliances, my car, I fear, even thinking, let alone asking 

I feel like I am talking to deaf walls, things I say are not even remotely taken seriously, and I am going to scream the next time I hear “it will happen!” “it will all be ok…” O.K., cool, you let me know when ANY of this remotely troubles you just a fraction of how it is disturbing and affecting me!!  


"F" you social media!!

I am not afraid to admit it, I feel slighted, I feel left out and I feel like as if there is a whole other life being built without me – you say it’s simply without my body present, but both truth and reality, I am not there and you are starting new adventures, receiving well wishes, much deserved comments and posting more on social media than you have in the seven years I have known you – so, I won’t apologize for feeling like this has nothing to do with me at all.

By the time I get to your destination, the newness will have worn off, the well wishes will have stopped along with the thoughts that already exist of us being apart – it has and continues to be what “you” deserve and how brave others think you are and have been to make such a huge move, little do they know – and that is exactly it, they won’t know, ever the sacrifices I have made for us (in my eyes, and solely for you in your eyes).

I am very well aware of what you have at stake, the fact that you have to sit “in a box” without your family, you have a new job to do, acclimate to, and still, you think I should feel sorry for you, understand that you miss me when you have shown me nothing. I had to readjust my entire life, once again, to accommodate someone else, and got nothing in return (I hate that you made me think I was “owed” something) and triple-fold the responsibilities and most of which I have absolutely NO control over, literally, I am left in this house that is ALL yours, NOTHING about it is mine, yet I have full responsibility – tell me again how that is fair and I have not the slightest reason to feel as if I have been and will continue to be left out?! You have mentioned NOTHING about what I have offered and had to sacrifice nor the responsibilities that I now have…

The excitement I will have when and if I finally get to make the trip will have worn out their welcome in the eyes of your loyal followers and the tags, yeah, thanks, I like to see and hear from other people what you have posted and what you are talking about! Social Media, once again, the source of bad decisions and forever markers of what your life means to you and how others perceive you and how great are!!

You just don’t get it, you never will and the fact that I would have to bring it up to you – is proof enough that is doesn’t matter, it never will – you probably didn’t even notice I didn’t even attempt to make an effort this time. Me being overwhelmed wasn’t enough, the dynamics of this past week(s) weren’t even distantly close, it was all about you feeling like I was resenting you….that is just OUTSTANDING!

I went out of my way to make you feel like you took a little of me/us with you and extended a lot of surprises along the way, I am still looking for the slightest bit of anything that even resembles you missing me –