to be....

truly THANKFUL for what and whom you have in your life takes more than just one day a year, one day where you gather with your family & friends you have perhaps not seen since the last get-together, food feast or holiday that included a lot of hustle and bustle.

what happens the other 364 days of the year?  what happens when we travel a road less then desired by those who seem to always try and point us in the right direction?  what happens when you take the whindy road, one the causes you to travel at a pace that is a little, ok, a LOT slower than what we desire as we try to move along as fast as we can....for what?  the next big adventure, the next disrespectful encounter that seems to be mowed over so one does not have to admit "sole" responsibility?  at what point does it even matter anymore?  when do you take a firm stance and choose to shut out those who you want in your life but they apparently don't want to be there by their very selfish actions?   

as I write this from my heart, as I live this in my life and as I pray so hard it would/could & should be different, I can't make it happen!!  I will continue TO BE the person I am, the person I know who cares and the person I know makes a difference in everyone's life she comes in contact with.  It will be up to others to realize and want such a person TO BE in their lives.

if I die tommorrow, YOU WILL be the one with regret's not me if at all, for the way I have given and for the way you have taken and not received..


but mom......

..."I have to wear a red shirt today to school cux the fast bike is R E D red {as he spells it out}" as he is searching for a book to also take to school.  I question him on why he needs to take a book to school and his reply was "cuz miss valerie will read me the book and my cwass and den I get to be da line weader mama and be the first one on the 'fast bike' mama!" 

I wish I could remember when life was as simple as being the line leader, the first one on the play ground getting my pick of the 'fast bike' or dare say wish I was living with the simplicity of his young, untainted imagination!!

Oh to be YOUNG again....


a mom's job....

is NEVER done...

from a dear friends message, I quote "my little man is finally asleep. Thank god for the lullaby of the rain tonight. All you moms out there know what I mean when I say this, I wish I could absorb all the things that affect my kids in a negative way.... The colds, the boo boos, the fears, stress and pain. Just take it all on my shoulders and let them live a perfectly beautiful life"
this is also in the past week, this one while at work, in he middle of screaming at someone "are you stabbed or shot sir" what is your emergency? I hear a subtle "are you o.k. baby, what is wrong? I know, mama will see you in the morning...You want to go buy a surprise after I come get you? o.k. love you too, sweet dreams, o.k. good night, mama loves you more"

and with that, the phone call was done, hats switched as it does SO MANY times during a day/night!!  

you raise your children with the intention of being there for them always, being there for every little up/down, high/low and literally everything in between.  you raise your children with the notion that someday "you will understand" why I do this, why I tell you this, why it has to be this way....I will NEVER forget when my oldest came home from 3rd grade absolutely devastated, she was crying, in so much disbelief that her one little best friend told her she did not want to be friends any more.  She balled for hours, I could not comfort her it was so bad.  as a mother it was one of the toughest things I have ever had to endure to this point, I had no experience, this was my oldest daughter.  I wanted to RIP the hurt right out of her, I wanted to immediately call the other mom and tell her to scold her daughter for being mean to my little girl, it was so intense, I hurt right along with her, it was a deep, hoarse hurt that left your heart heavy and your chest heavier.  I had to explain to her that there was nothing wrong with her and that this little girl was the one who was going to have to earn 'your' friendship back and that she did nothing wrong.  the innocence of the child was "but I still want to be her friend right now mommy"  *sigh*

as much as you want to take it  ALL away and protect them from all that this evil world has to offer, you simple can't.  your job is to protect them, guide them, be there to wipe their skinned knees, their tears, be there to tell them 'it WILL be ok', be there to listen and to give them advice {they won't know that they will need till much later in life}  and through it all, the trials & triumphs, the broken & mended hearts, the scabs & stitches I can say all the joys of parenthood will come around two-fold -- your children WILL live a beautiful life and it will be because of you!!