the stay...

I made my phone calls and in no specific order, my girls, my parents, my sister, my girlfriends, work and David's father to let them know what was going on.  We were settled in a room, unknown to me but what would be our home for the next 4 days!  They had David on several monitors and he had been 'tented' this was a cruel looking little plastic bubble, well square they had him in and he was not to be removed except for changing and minimal feedings.  I was fine until my girl's arrived and then I lost it when they saw him, I mean what the hell was happening, what the hell was going on, WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW??

David was in an open onesie and a diaper and had the iv coming from his groin, his arms and feet and legs were too small for even the smallest needle for them to gain a line.  It was a site I don't like to remember at all, he was a trooper and slept most of the time, almost 12 hours the first day after we were admitted. 
My folks showed up and my mom was an emotional train wreck, didn't need that and my dad was worried sick, when they saw David they almost immediately left the room.  My aunt had come down as well and when I was telling her I had called David's father my mom overheard me and started to cry, my dad asked why and when he found out he rushed out of the room.  My aunt understood and to my folks it was all still to raw, explaining to them that I HAD TO, we were NOT out of the woods and I had to keep peace!  WHY was I the only one getting this?

My aunt left shortly after she arrived as other visitors were coming including David's father after everyone had left, he stayed all of 5 minutes and then left as well.  My folks stayed a little over an hour and made their exit, I knew this was too much for them, I could barely hardly hold it together at this point and the girl's offered to stay while I drove home for some clothes and personal items I would need for the remainder of our stay.  My girlfriend had come down and knew I was in no shape to drive so she drove me to my home to get my things, this way I would have some company as well, I was still working on NO sleep and it was apparently showing!
I vaguely remember the drive back to my place yet remember vividly sitting on the edge of the bed balling my eyes out until she came in, laid me down and said "please rest for a little while" I will take you back as soon as you wake up" she went as far as to call the hospital and make sure David was fine and my daughter was in the room with him.

I awoke a couple hours later in a panic and for sure thinking he was missing me and knowing I needed to get back as soon as possible to see what his status was.  I called the nurses station on our way back and they assured me he was just fine and didn't even know I had left.  It was little consolation since he WAS the only thing that mattered at this point and to lose him would not even be an option, THIS I kept totally to myself even though I was confident it was on everyone elses mind yet no one dared speak of it!
I got back to the room in time for the doctor to come in and tell me David was progressing but the pneumonia came fast and was worse than they had initially thought.  He would stay in the tent for the night for sure and we would re-evaluate him first thing in the morning.  I wanted to hold him so bad I could not even stand it and it was becoming humid in the room with visitors and the machine running non stop and I could hardly see him over the fog that filled his little space, my heart was very very heavy.

Everyone had gone, my folks came back down to sit with him while I went to the office and completed his paperwork and admission forms and got a bite to eat and then they left, my daughters left and I was alone in the room, exhausted and completely numb to what was happening, I barely had enough energy to change my clothes and make my couch/bed, the next thing I knew the nurse came in to turn my light off and check David one more time as she assured me unless I needed them they would leave me/us be for the night, little relief but for now it was all I had!

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