I believe

I was going to my sister's today, I had to stop by the bank before leaving.  I went in and stood in line for the next teller.  I set the carrier on the ground as I got my 'stuff' ready, the ladies at the bank had heard and were very gracious when they saw me come in.  A lady came up behind me in line, looked at the carrier and complimented "how darn cute was he" she proceeded to look at me and told me "you look amazing for just having had a baby",  I looked at the teller as she called me by name as I was next in line and the look on her face was one of sincere apology, she had a tear in her eye as I walked up, she asked how I was doing, I smiled and said "I'm fine, thank you".  We both knew I was not, I finished my business and I left, I put the carrier in the car, I started the car and I lost it, I cried till I could not see. Finally I was able to compose myself then I got mad, how dare her compliment me, I looked good, I had lost almost 30 pounds in less than a month and this baby was not mine, he was my sister's and she was dead!  

I drove off and headed out of town, my daughter was staying at her dad's while I was gone, I was only staying 2 nights and then I would be home.  The drive did me good, it cleared my head of the bad thoughts I was having, David slept most of the way which was a blessing, he was more than ready to eat when we arrived.  My sister greeted us at the car and took David inside, it was just her and I at home for a few hours until her husband and daughter came home, I unloaded the car while she fed David.  I had situated our stuff in the downstairs room and found her on the couch sobbing with David asleep in her arm's.  I past her with a kiss on the forehead and went to the kitchen for some water, I brought her some back and joined her on the couch.
We sat on the couch for nearly an hour and not a word was said, she held David through his entire hour and a half nap, we spoke very little about how each of us was doing, she spoke a lot about how he looked just like his mother, a spitting image and we spoke in depth about the loss our parents had suffered and the impact it has had on our family and what the future held for this little baby boy.  We cried, we laughed and we cried some more, we were never at a loss for words just didn't have the right words to speak. 
Her husband had picked up her daughter and they were home from work and school.  I was in the kitchen cooking dinner & she had still not let go of David. 

We had a nice dinner, good conversation and some genuine laughs.  David sat with us then I fed him while my sister cleaned up, we played with her daughter and then it was bath time.  My niece had been a little quiet when she came home as well as at dinner, we chalked it up to jealousy and knew she would be fine. 
She took her bath first and wanted us to wait so she could help with David's bath in the kitchen sink, we were glad she was warming up and wanted to be a part of him after all.  I got everything ready and then my sister brought him over, smiles and all, we set him in the water and my niece climbed right up on the counter and was a superb "water pourer", she was very proud of herself, it really is the little things in life. 
We got done, wrapped him up and started to walk down the hall to the bedroom to dress David when my niece was still sitting on the counter, my sister told her to get down and come in the room with us, my niece hesitated and then said in a raised voice "WAIT" you have to wait for aunt Tanya to come too mom!"  My sister and I stopped dead in our tracks, no pun intended, and looked at one another, then looked back at her when my sister asked if she sees aunt Tanya, my nice hesitated, didn't say a word then jumped down and said "o.k. mom, now we can go in the room". 
I dressed him then my sister then took him into my niece's bedroom to tell her a story and put her to bed, I stayed in the room and stared out the window wondering what she had seen, not doubting it at all, not being afraid but simple wondering what she had seen.

My sister came in and asked if I was o.k., we shared a good cry and then she took David to the front room and finish rocking him to sleep.  I of course fell to my own demise & shortly after I felt a kiss on the cheek an a whisper of I love you & sweet dreams in my ear. 

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