win-win

HAPPY NEW YEAR!  and man was I hoping and praying with every ounce it would be...

Statistics say it 'usually' takes the average person at least 12 months to grieve a major loss, they list those as Birth/Death/Divorce/Major Illness, etc...Other readings state because it can be SO wide spread and the relationship within the loss one has suffered can be one of extreme closeness or one with great distance, so the "norm" now for the "average" person is "AS LONG AS IT TAKES YOU TO COMPETE THE WHOLE GRIEVING PROCESS"
I've suffered, o.k., experienced 3 of those listed in a 1 1/2 time frame, am I average, normal, or just stuck in the middle??

 Our court date was in a week, I had made sure I organized all the notes/letters and text messages I had gotten from David's father as well as all his medical records and tests to present to the court on our/my behalf.  My folks and I met with our attorney one more time before our actual date to make sure there was nothing else that needed to be covered, no stone unturned.  We had to send out letters to all our family and relatives over 18 years old making sure they agreed and approved of the guardianship and that they had no interest in making a notion to gain guardianship over us.  We did not know his family history and did not elude to this process as his attorney made no mention, I was scared to death, this was a HUGE risk as it could defeat ALL the work we had done IF someone on his side came forward after this process was started/granted and say that they never got the chance to "fight" for fraternal {family} rights and the process could be stopped or more devastating overturned and if it was found on the basis of malice or integrity it would quite possibly take our rights away forever!   This was huge and something I was not comfortable at ALL in signing off on, but 3 against one, I had no choice, I signed and went along with the basis of  "at the time" we signed and sent our letters, had no "confirmation" of who the father was **sigh**.... Our attorney seemed to think this was no big deal and the fact he was NOT listed on the birth certificate was HUGE in this part of the guardianship appointment.

Today was the day, my friend would be keeping David again so I dropped him off and met my folks a the courthouse, our attorney came up shortly after we arrived and found our seats in the courtroom.  David's father came in shortly after and pulled me aside, we stepped outside where I was met with his attorney as well.  David's father and I had a good re pore, I was open to his ideas and suggestions and he understood I was ultimately going to do what 'I' wanted which in turn was the best for David.  He wanted a general 'say-so' and I understood this, it was fairly easy in the aspect I had NO intimate connection with this man, not to say that the entire thing was not difficult but it was what had to be done for David and that is all the matters.  David's father told his attorney he could go inside and he would join him shortly, I thought this was kind of odd and had me off guard, NOT a position I was prepared to be in at that very moment, I HAD to be on my A game this morning, there was NO other way I would get through this if I was not.  He told me "I'm letting my attorney go, I will agree to the guardianship as long as you keep David and your parents do not have him or have any say-so" I stopped him and said "they will not allow that, I've tried and for the fact they lost his mother so suddenly, they are afraid of losing him as well" I had to speak it in simple terms for him to understand, he agreed and said "then you have all the control and I will only deal with you and it will be whatever you and I want when it comes to David" this sucked, I felt like I was making a deal with the devil, it had already been written and presented what we wanted and what was going to happen and now at the 24th hour, it was all about to be changed....What the hell??
We went back into the room and took our respective seats when the judge then called us up, our attorney stood for the 3 of us and he sat alone as his attorney came up with him and as quick as he came up, excused himself from the case and left the courtroom.  My mom and dad looked at me in disbelief, they knew this was a good thing but had no idea what was said between us since we had NO time to talk before the judge came in.  Our attorney looked at me, I nodded an o.k. and then we proceeded. 
The judge was a little surprised and asked if we were prepared to continue, our attorney advised we were ready to present all our facts and continue forward with the granting of permanent guardianship of this said minor.  The judge heard our attorney and was presented with all the forms and letters, he then read over he mediators report and asked if there was anything further to be presented from either side before we took recess and he made his decision, David's father stood up and said to the judge "I agree with the papers and the report, I want David to remain with his aunt and I will deal with her and make all decisions for the good of David with her, I will also allow her parents to listed as guardians" my mom burst into tears, my dad looked at me as if I had made a deal with the devil, man was he spot on with what I was feeling...Our attorney looked at the judge and said "with that being said and co-counsel excusing himself, I would assume guardianship will be granted for my clients" the judge looked sternly at each one of us then said with the understanding you all have for one another and the understanding that this is about a young child and NOT about one another, past or present feelings then I will grant this guardianship which also places the maternal aunt as the main guardian and "the voice of reason" as the mediator report states and wish you all the best of luck!!

He needed no recess and as quick as it began, it was all over, we got what we wanted, my folks were too emotional to respond, I gave a quick nod to the judge and a smile of content to our attorney and then we were excused from the stand{s}.