the demands

The holidays were fast approaching and I was preparing for our return court date in January.  I was not in the mood for celebrations so for once in 5 years I was happy to be working the holidays. I had talked to my daughter and called my sister to bring them up to speed on our temporary appointment of guardianship and finally received the DNA results in the mail and as we thought there was no error David's father was who we knew he was. 
I had called my mom to let her know I got the results and she asked if I was going to allow him to see David at all before we go to court again.  I told her, with this result, I have to, I have to keep/show good faith with him or he can make it hell for us and although she agreed she was not happy.  I told her I had a phone conversation with him and he would be coming to my house to drop off a check and some formula, she sighed and started to cry.  My mom let me know in no uncertainty I was to NOT leave them alone, he was NOT to take him over night nor have other visitor's over when he was with the baby, I just listened, I had no energy to fight or reassure her I was NOT going to allow any of that to happen.  The court had given me/us the power to set the dates and times IF we so wished until our next court date, I choose to be keep it civil, be the voice of reason and let him visit on my terms and I of course took this on in whole!

David's dad came for a visit, well, dropped off a check for half of what he said he would and a case of formula he picked up at the pharmacy that I had ordered, you've got to love a small town, the pharmacist kept a standing order and got a shipment/case every 2 weeks for us.
I'm not sure what I was expecting as far as the visit went since I hardly knew this man and had only heard one side to the story, but it kind of set the tone and made me more confident for future visits that may be set. 
David had been sleeping all day and slept pretty much through the 30 minute or so visit, so when he left I laid down on the couch and tried to rest a bit before it was time to go pick up my daughter from the farm.

Daughter picked up, dinner done, kitchen cleaned and homework in the process.  David was a little fussy since he had woken up and was NOT wanting to be put down, at all...I held him on the couch then decided to give him a bath, that might calm him a little.  Bath time was quiet but as soon as he was out, he was crying, he felt a little warm, but I thought from the warm bath and told my daughter I would be going to bed with David. 
I woke up at midnight to a strange noise, I had put David in his crib and not with me for a change.  I walked over to the crib and found him breathing very heavy in his sleep, it scared me, I stared and I looked and I felt him and he was burning up.  I didn't want to wake my daughter so I took him downstairs and gave him some Tylenol and sat with him on the couch, it was nearly feeding time anyway, so I just got everything ready while I was awake.  We had his pediatrician appointment in the morning so I was not too worried and would tell them about his fussiness, I was hoping for some decent sleep for the rest of the night.

I loved our new doctor, it was in and out and he actually took the time to hear your concerns and have genuine feedback.  He let me know that all of David's tests had come back clear and the hospital stay was Asthma based and this was unfortunately inherited from his mother.  We discussed David's newborn screening test results which eluded to the fact that David had some hearing loss in his right ear, they were not sure what the extent at this time so further testing would need to be done in a few months to further diagnose.  I let him know David has seemed to not be feeling well the last couple of days, he said his breathing was a little 'off' but this could be due to the high dose of antibiotic he is on, hence why we need to be seen every 2 weeks at the infectious disease clinic.  He gave me some suggestions and symptoms to look for as far as the Asthma goes, I had known most of them since my sister was a chronic Asthma sufferer and I was up with her most of the time. 

We got home and I put David to bed since he fell asleep on the way home.  My daughter was home and my oldest was coming over to visit.  We had dinner and a nice visit and David slept through it all, it was kind of odd but considering the last few days, we let him sleep.  My oldest wanted to hold him so she went to wake him and brought him downstairs, he barely moved so she held him while he slept.  It was bed time for us all, my oldest left and my youngest was taking David back upstairs to bed while I cleaned up the house.
I fell asleep hard when I came upstairs, not waking up at all till I heard David fussing and moving around.  I had been asleep for almost 3 hours and then I panicked thinking he has not eaten for almost 8 hours now, I ran over to his crib, he was moving around and looked at me with his big brown eyes and I was suddenly worried, he had that distressed look just as he did nearly a month ago when I had taken him to the hospital.  It was a little after midnight, what was I going to do? 
I grabbed him out of bed and he then started to cry, I tried to feed him and he refused the bottle, he felt a little warm so I decided to call the doctors exchange for some advise.  My daughter heard me on the phone and woke up to see what was going on, she held David while I finished my phone call.  The nurse had the Doctor call me back within 10 minutes, this little 2 month old was a worry for him and it was apparent with the care he was giving him, us!  I gave him the symptoms now including the fever again and he said with what he heard/saw today and what I was describing he wanted me to take him to the E.R. just to be on the safe side, with tears in my eyes I thanked him an headed upstairs to pack his diaper bag.  My daughter offered to come but with school tomorrow I said no as I was certain they would make sure he was breathing o.k. and I would be back home before she got ready for school.

I loaded him in the car and off I went, alone and feeling way helpless.  David fussed the entire way there and at this point I was not even worried about him not eating.  I was checked in and seen within the hour, putting us at about 2am by now.  I had called my folks about midnight and let the know I was taking him in as a precaution, they wanted to come down and I told them the same thing, I would be home in no time and would call them in the morning with what had happened.
The nurse gave him some Tylenol to bring down the fever that was almost 103 by now, he was SO sleepy still.  The doctor had come in and ordered a chest x-ray and said he thought it was severe Asthma but wanted to also rule out Pneumonia at this stage, it could be very bad for a little one of his size and his pending health issues. 
We were carted away for the x-ray and no sooner we got back to the triage room the doctor came in and said you not going anywhere, anytime soon, this little guy is really sick and we are going to have to treat him for at least the next two days. 
His chest x-ray was positive for Pneumonia and it was causing his Asthma to flare up and this was not a good combination. I asked if it could be the antibiotics and he said "no, if it wasn't for them, it would be worse!"  CHRIST, really? is the only thing that I could think of and of course kept it to myself.  It was nearly 4am at this point, I called my folks and called my daughter to let her know I would NOT be home and I would be calling her when we got settled in a room.

There I sat, on the hospital bed holding him, he was hooked up to an I.V. and wearing an oxygen mask, I was holding back {my} tears.  This was the most terrifying thing I had ever had to go through and I have never felt so alone. 

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