someone? anyone?

Today was our 3rd day in the hospital and I was feeling a little anxious to go home.  We were woken up early at shift change and the nurses seemed to think we would be able to go home today.  David was doing much better and had responded well to the treatments and was on his {strong} antibiotic regimen, a regimen he would be on for at least the next six months.  They started it while we were in the hospital just in case he would have any side effects, he was barely at the 7 lb mark and on an antibiotic that was dangerous for his little system, it could do damage to his tiny organs but giving the fact he was subjected to a life threatening sepsis, it was something that needed to be done.  They had performed a spinal tap to make sure he was at least healthy enough to be on this medication, having to `fold` him in half and see them stick a needle in his spine that was WAY bigger than him was something that I was SO not prepared for ):  
This little boy was a fighter from day one, and in that, I mean a fighter from day one of conception.  He was subjected to drugs from both his parents, prior to from his mother and I know during from his father and his mother fighting a grave disease throughout the entire pregnancy and not knowing for one second there was anything wrong.  The doctors told us she had been sick for sometime, this is after her death, unknown for sure but at least 2 to 3 years worth.  My little sister was strong willed and never once complained, if we saw any signs at all, it was from her normal and usual asthma issues, she would then retreat to her room and it always seemed to "worked itself out".

I did a quick freshen up this morning, in hopes of going home and was waiting for the doctor to come for his rounds, WHY always on the day you anticipate leaving they come NOT SO bright and early?  My folks had come down as well as my daughters and we were all waiting, waiting AND waiting. 
It was almost lunch time by the time we saw the doctor and we were given the o.k. to go home today, this was AWESOME news to my ears, I missed my bed and I was glad this little guy was all better, there was NO time in my schedule for this down time! 
All the paperwork was completed, we were given meds and meds and more meds, we had made a few more standing doctors appointments with the infectious disease doctor who would be our main care provider at this point until David was able to be {weaned} off these super ubber antibiotics, other then his well baby check-ups we would be coming back to the hospital every 2 weeks for at least a month then we can move to once a month depending on David's progress.

Home~Sweet~Home..Julie was here to greet us and help me get settled in and then she went home, the girl's were here for a little bit then he oldest left and the youngest went to eat at her dad's since she knew I would be tired and David was resting.
O.K. can someone tell me what to do next?  I'm in forward mode and that pretty much says it all!!  I can't think, I don't eat, and I definitely DON'T sleep!  This is beginning to take it's toll on all of us.
I need help, although I'm too proud to ask for it, my girl's are finding themselves, it is just the ages plus their grief process is in HIGH gear, my folks are emotionally unavailable and my sister lives too far away. 
I'm home alone, David is resting, I'm watching him sleep right next to me and all I want to do is sleep and sleep for a long time! I start to cry, muffled as to not wake him and guess that is what I needed since I didn't wake up until the next morning.  

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