he just had to tell me

My folks and I met at the restaurant after our victorious day in court.  I arrived after they had been seated, my mom was still crying and my dad wanted to know immediately what had been said in the hallway, he had little relief in his eyes.  I told him I made "NO deals" and it was simply him coming to reason and realizing he was not going to win soul/physical custody, he knew he had been caught lying to his attorney and his attorney was not representing him to his fullest of knowledge in the situation.  My dad understood this yet did not trust this man as far as he could throw him and he made sure I knew this, daily!  I was mentally exhausted and about to reach my limit for the day, I told my dad it was my turn to tell him everything would be o.k., he had to trust me and had to know that I have David's best interest at heart and that I was not slighting them ANY opportunity and I will always keep them in the loop and they will have a say-so...sigh...was I lying to appease him?  was I saying something to make him feel better about the fight we just won?  WHAT was I doing, did I EVEN know??
My folks asked if I was coming by the house, I didn't want to but I agreed to visit for a little while before I headed back home, my mom said she needed to be with him right now, I understood this, I needed him to!

I go to my friends house her twins nephews were over, they were about a month older than David, she had them all lying on the floor 'coo-ing' at one another, it was the sweetest thing I'd ever seen, David was in the middle as he was the smallest yet had the biggest smile on his face when I walked over to them.  I scooped him up and told her how court went, she cried, I cried and she told me how proud she was and how sorry she was for my dad giving me a harder time than needed to be especially at a time like this.  She knew my family and knew how strong willed my father was, how stern yet how passionate he was about protecting his family, it was definitely bitter-sweet.  I knew this was not going to be an easy transition with my folks and David's father, I only prayed I did not have to play both sides, being stuck smack dab in the middle, that would be NOT cool!!

I got to my folks house, my dad was waiting outside with the gates open for me, I pulled in and he actually came to the car, opened the door and got David out of his car seat for me, he waited for me and we walked into the house together.  My mom was anxiously awaiting our arrival and scooped David right up, I told her he was probably hungry and was going to be ready for a nap, I got a bottle ready and told her I would lay down with him when she was done feeding him, she smiled and thanked me.  My dad asked if he could talk to me on the patio as my mom was feeding the baby.  All I could think of was "here we go again"  I simply had nothing left in me, could he not see this by now??
It took him a few minutes to speak, he was fighting back tears, then he grabbed my hand and I lost it.  He told me "your mom and I can't thank you enough for what you have done, she has nothing left inside of her but the love of this little boy, I want you to know I DO trust you and I know you will and have done what is best for David with a broken heart" ... "I just don't want you to get hurt, I know this man, you don't and for that I can take little comfort!"  I tried to stop him and realized I needed to let him get this out, he continued and told me "this man will lie to you, this man will manipulate you, this man will make you feel like he has your or David's best interest at heart" he stopped and wiped away a tear, or two and said "this man has no heart!" I gasped, I was taken back by what my dad had said to me and knew there was NO response I was going to be able say, I had to take these words/advice and process them and be on guard.  This talk was a little more serious than others, I felt my dad's emotion and it wasn't a raw feeling of recent loss, it was from experience and I felt the hurt a father feels when someone hurts their daughter!

We composed ourselves and went back into the house to find my mom and David asleep on the couch, very peaceful, I had no heart to move either one of them, my dad I decided to go to our respective rooms, me the nursery and take a nap ourselves, this was a day that had surely worn on everyone, I could not help but to cry myself to sleep, this was the only thing that seemed to soothe me lately!


No comments:

Post a Comment