being followed

My sister and I had a good visit, although it went by too fast, but I actually felt like I rested a bit more than I had in the past few weeks and had a little clearer head about me when I came home.  I stopped off at my folks house on my way home to visit with them since they had not seen either of us in almost a week.  It was a nice visit, I stayed for dinner but left shortly after, they wanted me to stay the night but I needed my own bed and to see my daughter. 

I got home in time for my daughter to be done with her homework.  She snuggled & played and then put David to sleep while I unpacked the car and took a long hot shower, YES and had a very good cry!  I came downstairs to find them both asleep on the couch, him on her chest, so peaceful I didn't want to bother her, but knew they would rest better in their own beds.  As I woke her up, she asked if David could sleep in her bed, I hesitated & agreed, I put his little 'barrier' if you will around him so she would not roll over on him, I don't even think he knew they moved...

Morning came and it was back to the grind/work for me, I was in full laundry mode and tried to keep David occupied while I was up and down the stairs.  My daughter came down after she showered and I made my way back upstairs for more laundry when I heard her screech, it was a "stop in your tracks" sound a mother dreads, I yelled to her "what is wrong" I was for sure she had dropped the baby but did not hear him crying and I had left him almost asleep in his swing, I got no answer, just heard her breathing heavy, I was almost all the way back downstairs and she stopped me on the landing and pointed "LOOK MOM", I finished coming down and came closer to her and she was frozen holding the baby tight in her arms, staring at the swing and backing up a little closer to the kitchen.  I asked her what was wrong, I was a little irritated at this point, she had scared me to death and had not said a word since her outburst.  She looked at me and said "mom, his bear was on the swing, I took him out of the swing to hold him, it moved!"  I stood in fear for one second then told her to not be afraid, I was certain it was her aunt Tanya, she broke down in tears and said "mom, I am afraid" I told her "don't be afraid, she is making sure WE are o.k., she needs to be here for him right now"  I hugged her tight and told her to talk to her, tell her you are o.k., you miss her and love her, it will be just fine...my daughter was a little more at ease but did NOT take her eyes off that swing the whole time she was sitting on the couch with David! 

I had talked a little to my oldest daughter but not as much as I would have liked and certainly not about what I had wanted to talk about, what I needed to get out in the open but the fact she wanted to come back around was what I had to accept for now, she wanted to come over and spend the night with my youngest and David since she had not seen him in almost a week, it would do her good and reassure her sister that she was safe tonight even though I told her and she agreed that his mother was always going to be here watching over her baby boy as well as us!

I did not tell them what their cousin had said when we were giving David his bath, it was all still surreal and we were all still very numb.  It is like things are moving forward full force and I'm stuck in the "WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED" mode, some days I forge through and other days I don't know how or when the sun came up or how or when it set...

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