here we go again...

I made my phone calls when it was a more decent hour and we were settled in our room and so I wouldn't wake too many people.  My oldest daughter had already called me and was heading down so I could go home and shower and pack a bag for myself and some more things for David. My folks would be coming down as well as David's dad this morning sometime, all I hoped was I would miss them all, cruel, maybe, safety for me because I felt like I was in this alone and didn't want to hear any ones rendition of "oh I'm sorrys".
I had to go to work tonight so I obviously called in when I was at home packing for my stay at the hospital.  When I got back my folks were there and sitting with my oldest, they were all just watching David in his 'tent', he was tented again and this time would be able to come out by early afternoon, only 6 to 8 hours he would be in it I was told.  I questioned if this was "left over" from the last month stay and the doctor had no comment, I also asked if it was anything real ling from his exposure to the drugs or even the valley fever his mother ultimately died from, again this doctor had no comment, just kept saying he is a sick little boy and we will know more this afternoon when he is out of the tent on how well the breathing treatment{s} worked.  GREAT, no comfort there!!  My mom was crying by this point and my dad was so antsy he left the room to walk the halls, they did bend the rules on only 2 people in the room at one time for us, we had another awesome nurse, I took comfort in what I could at this point.

My folks stayed a bit longer this time than they did the last, they wanted to see David when he got out of the tent, which was actually earlier than I had expected, taking this as a good sign.  They had to place the IV in his tiny foot this time and had him only in his diaper to cool his fever.  The doctor came in when the nurses were done tearing down he tent, my mom got to hold him while they fixed his crib back up.  The doctor said his vitals were good but his breathing was still about the same, they needed to have him on the treatments every 3 hours and they would also be starting him on a steroid regimen to strengthen his tiny lungs.  If the treatments were not just like crack let's throw in some MORE crack by giving him steroids **sigh** but it was what needed to be done, so let's get this over with. 
I had followed the doctor out to the nurses station when we were done and situated and asked if he was released too soon from the NICU unit, he looked at me, straight in the face, about to cry and said "I am sorry for my bedside manner this morning, I did not know your entire story and I am sorry for your loss" I was WAY taken back and didn't know what to say, I simply thanked him and fought back the lump in my throat.  He and I were now on the same page and from that second on, the ENTIRE staff was very comforting and at our beck and call, I have to say it was a huge relief, we all knew what they thought with all the 'history' listed and, well, this one was certainly a very special case!

While My folks were in the room with David I walked with my oldest daughter to the infectious disease clinic, we had our scheduled appointment tomorrow, and well, I wanted to inform them we would not be making it, or as I joked with the girl's "we're early".  They gave their apologies & sad faces and said they would have the doctor come see us tomorrow and before they left tonight would check his chart for any updates, I thanked them and I left to get some food before we went back into the room. 
We got back to the room and my folks were ready to leave, my oldest stayed for a little longer and then she had to go to work.  David's dad came mid afternoon before he had to go to work, he stayed for just a short time & thanked me for all I was doing and most of all for calling him and keeping him in the 'loop'.
It was nap time, I was glad to see everyone leave so I could have a few moments to myself and rest as I knew they would be coming in at all hours at least tonight to make sure David was responding well to the steroids and continued breathing treatments and his vitals were normal.

Night came, a few more visitors came and went and then it was pitch dark in our room, it was just him and I, all alone and only one of us was awake. 
All I could think about was my job, was I putting it in jeopardy, I fell asleep with a LOT on my little brain this night and prepared myself for what I knew was going to be a long & sleepless night!!

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