happy heart

"Morning babe, how are you?"  I woke up to this text from my mom, I don't know why I remember this one so vividly but none the less I remember, it made me feel like yelling out the window at the top of my lungs "HOW DO YOU THINK I AM THIS MORNING, I FEEL LIKE I'M IN PRISON!" I know this would have not gone over very well, so I thought it simpler to just reply "I'm fine", it would be taken in the same context anyway. 
The nurse came in before shift change and asked if I needed anything, I thanked her and told her and wished her a good day of rest. I showered and cleaned up our cell, our room having hopes of possibly going home today, I knew it was a stretch but a positive attitude would send a good message, right??

I called my daughter as the doctor was coming in for rounds, I told her to call me when she came home from school to see if we would he staying another night or not.  The doctor told me David was improving and he wanted to scale back the treatments to every 2 hours and steroids down to once a day and see how his lungs and breathing scored.  I looked at him and he said "yes, I'm sorry at least one more night so we can monitor this little guy and make sure he continues to be the fighter he has shown us he is!" with a tear how could I dare refute that statement so with a hug and a pat on the back he was gone to sign the orders as our original night nurse came in all smiles.  I asked her what she was doing here, not that I minded at all, it was a nice surprise, she said she was doing a turn around shift and she asked for this floor and then told me to go get something to eat and take my time, she would sit with David and YES she already told her station where she would be!  I was SO ready for some fresh air, so I took advantage of her generous offer as David was awake now since the doctor woke him and he was ready to eat, I told her I would after he ate and she said no need, I've already got a warm bottle coming. 
I went down to the cafeteria and actually took my food outside, it was a cool, crisp morning and it felt SO good to be outside, it truly did feel like I was in prison, even though whatever I needed the nurses would get me but the fact I could not leave made me feel trapped and very much alone.  THIS was just what the doctor had ordered and although I tried to take my time, I felt the need to rush right back up in the room to be with David.

I found her rocking David when I came back to the room, she was all smiles and he was fast asleep.  I thanked her graciously with a few tears in my eyes and she left the room, I relaxed on the couch and watched a little T.V. before my parents came for their daily visit.  We actually had a decent visit and there were not a lot of tears, my dad actually picked up and held David for a short time, this made my heart happy!  I napped a little in the afternoon and then got the phone call from my daughter that Julie had picked her up and they were on there way, they asked if I wanted anything and I said "well, since your offering, I would LOVE some Taco Bell", they both laughed and she told me "mom, Julie is already in the drive-thru" I could not help but chuckle and gave her my order. They knew if I had not called then I was staying another night, it was very obvious I had people who cared and loved me as well as being supportive, I found that is was just as hard for them to ask and want to know what had/was happening rather just not say anything at all.
They arrived a half hour later and I was SO HAPPY to see my daughter as she was just as happy to see me and get to see and hold David again as well, this REALLY made my heart happy...Julie stayed for about a half and hour then she left, I thanked her for bringing my daughter and even more for being in my life during this most difficult time, it was a given, we were BFF's for a reason!

My daughter and I settled in for the night and hoped we would be going home tomorrow sometime so we could get back to being a whole family again, as she put it.  She was upset at seeing David hooked up to all the machines and the I.V. coming from his foot, I explained how tiny it was and how he didn't even know it was there, she cried and said "mom I miss her SO MUCH it hurts!"  I said "I know baby, so do I!!"Sweet Dreams sweetheart as I kissed her forehead and we shared a smaller then twin size pull out couch!


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