It's time

Our court date was here and I was feeling very anxious, I needed all this to be in the past, have it all behind me/us and be able to focus on grieving, saying good-bye and move forward in this new life I have been given even if it was by default! 

I dropped David off at my girlfriend's, she was a godsend at this point and the only one I trusted, there were not a lot in this situation and the circumstances that surrounded this tragedy, there were some less than desirables in the equation.  I met my folks for breakfast at my uncle's restaurant before we headed over to the courthouse.  My uncle joined us at the table and I was glad he did, I could tell my dad was 'so not' in the mood for this, it was obvious he was in a bad state, we all were, this was a matter of if we get to keep the baby or we have to turn him over to his father, his drug abusing father, this HAD to be a positive in our favor. 
I was certain the mediator would paint the picture she told me in her report, but the "what-ifs" were gonna send me over the edge if this wasn't over today.  My mom said not 3 words and my dad maybe 4, I told him "we need to let our lawyer do all the talking and when we get our opportunity to speak we have to keep cool heads and not speak out of turn, he will show what kind of person he is and we have to let the judge do his job!"  my dad shook his head and I told him "I know you have ill feelings towards this man dad, and they go deep, I don't know and I don't want to know"...I could tell my dad was upset, so I stopped and said "dad, we have to let the judge do their job", he stopped me and said  "I am going to tell the son of a bitch what I think of him and he will know where I stand before we leave that court room", I looked at him and hit the table and said "THEN YOU BETTER KISS YOUR GRANDSON GOODBYE!"  I froze, what did I just do, I raised my voice at my father, my grieving father who had not said much at all during this whole tragedy, my mom looked at me then looked at my dad before he could speak and said  "STOP IT MARTIN, she is right, we need to be level headed and we can't speak our feelings right now, there will be another place and another time for all that!" my dad looked at her and then looked at me and said "I can't make any promises" and he got up from the table and went outside to smoke.  My uncle came back over and saw my mom crying and me visibly shaken and said "I will go talk to him" I told my mom we need to get going. 

I met my folks outside the courthouse, my dad walked one step ahead of me and my mom, I was physically ill and wanted to vomit. We ran into David's father in the hallway and all I could do was pray my dad would stay clear, why was I worrying about this when we had so much at stake, why was I the only one who saw this?  Was this is the voice of reason I have been cursed with?
We sat in the courtroom and waited for the judge to call our case, then it was time, we all approached the table and took our respective seats.  The judge read over the mediators report and asked if we had any further concerns or questions, David's father stood up and his lawyer spoke for him, he said he would agree to me being listed as soul guardian and did not want my folks listed as 2nd and 3rd guardians.  I thought I was going to die, my dad was going to go off, I felt it and I cringed as I looked at my dad sitting next to me, he touched my knee and I knew this was it. Our lawyer stood up and argued the fact that they needed to be listed if for nothing other than being the "next of kin" and if need be, we would take this to trial, trial?  what the hell is this a murder case?  this is a child who's mother just died, it was pretty obvious where he needed to be!
David's fathers lawyer spoke with him out of the room and then called and spoke with our lawyer out of the room all the while we sat up there staring at the judge, my dad was becoming anxious and my mom could not contain her tears. The lawyer's came back in the room and the judge called them up to the stand and then they sat back down.  The judge made sure we were all aware of the mediator's report and what it had contained, we all agreed we read and understood what was said and more important what her recommendation's were in the interest of the baby.
The judge took a short recess then came back into the room calling us all back to the floor, the judge advised us he issued my folks and myself temporary guardianship of David pending further review including the pending DNA test results {still not in} as well as drug testing/screening that was suggested as well in the mediators report.

I was happy with the outcome and proud of my dad for holding it together, this time anyway, god help us if we have many more of these days!!   

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