days turned into weeks

We all woke up about the same time, I heard my folks talking to David and made my way to the living room where I found them with actual smiles on their faces.  David was SO happy when he got up, it was for sure a moment you looked forward to!
My mom asked if I wanted to stay for dinner but I declined, I wanted to be home, see my daughter and just be 'unavailable'...they were disappointed but they understood, it had been a draining day.  I packed up David and we headed home. 
I had called my girl's of course after we got out of court, my sister as well and they were very happy we had come out ahead.  My oldest said she would be by tonight and bring my youngest home as they had been at their dad's, I needed to see them.

The days came and went, the fair was over for the girl's, they were back in school and it was a relief to have somewhat of a normal schedule back and things to be settling down, I can't hardly remember when things were "normal", heck for that fact I don't even think that is a valid word anymore.  David was nearly 5 months old now and I had been in contact with his father, he came to visit once since the court date then had asked if I would bring David to him, I was too worried about keeping peace to say no, he was paying little and bringing him formula when he visited. I was leery about him being alone with David since there was a mandatory "drug testing" that was ordered at the time of our guardianship appointment, so I was still waiting for him to provide results.  I am very naive to the fact he is still using, I mean I would have stopped with all the circumstances around the last few months, I was not privy to any of this style of living, I had NO idea how it all worked.
The weeks past quickly and all was well, I had made 2 visits to David's fathers home, well, an add on to the back of a small home, sigh, it had a roof and he was prepared for a baby to visit.  I kept the visits to an hour at a time every 2 weeks, he didn't seem to mind this schedule and was happy to see David each time we arrived.  I was very anxious about the first visit, it was not the ideal setting, I was very uneasy about being in a situation that made me feel uncomfortable, the only comfort I took in the whole thing was that my sister was obviously comfortable here, she was seeing this man and she would have brought David to the same house if she was still alive, this was ALL I had to go by, I would just have to rely on my "gut" and be on my game!

Work was work, I definitely looked forward to my days off.  David had his upcoming monthly {now} appointment at the clinic, I was anxious to have the doctor see him and just how good he had been doing.  He had been a little fussier than normal this past week and not been eating as much but I didn't think too much about it, I would just casually mention it at our appointment.
We arrived at the office and of course the girl's were "ga-ga" over David and took him back through the check in window and I joined them in the room as the doctor came in.  I knew the routine, we undressed him, took his diaper off an laid him on the weighing table, we would be out of here in less than 15 minutes.  The doctor picked him up, laid him on the examining table and began his usual check-up, he seemed to have done it twice, which was odd to me, but I didn't think too much of it until he left the room and didn't return for nearly 15 minutes or so, I was about to open the door when he came back in with one of the nurses.  I stood up, stared at him and I knew something was wrong, really wrong, he took David from my arms and said "I need to admit David for further testing" I almost fell over, the nurse sat me down, I now know why he took David from my arms.  I tried to keep it together but it was obvious I was completely taken off guard and there were a lot of questions I had at this point! I asked what was wrong, he is fine, he has been fine, a little fussy but he is FINE, what is happening?  The doctor, still holding David who was oblivious to the whole scene, told me that his intestines seemed to be enlarged and he has an irregular heart-beat and was running a low grade fever, all consistent as side-effects of this/his antibiotic, he was worried these effects may present themselves in such a small patient with such a high dose, "I DON'T UNDERSTAND, WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?"  AM I GOING TO LOSE HIM, DOES HE HAVE VALLEY FEVER?" the doctor looked at me and said frankly "I don't know, I think we are o.k. but can not be certain without several more tests and monitoring him for a few days". 
The nurse now took David and I sat with the doctor for a second longer, he patted my shoulder and said "I'm certain he will be fine, but I'm not willing to take ANY chances with this little guy!"  I understood and appreciated his honesty and most of all his concern. He suggested I call my folks as he had already made arrangements for a room, we were going to be admitted immediately, that is what he was doing when he was out of the room, making these arrangements.
I knew this was going to be one of the most difficult phone calls I've had to make in a few months, GREAT!  I called my dad's phone which was horrid because when I am upset just the sound of my dad's voice makes me cry but I KNEW there was no way I would be able to tell my mom this information and have her hear me let alone understand me.  My dad answered almost immediate, I said "dad" and it was like he knew something was wrong, he said "what is wrong, are you still at the doctor office?"  I started to sob, I told him everything was o.k. for now but I needed them to come to the hospital as soon as they could, my mom had caught wind something wasn't right and he put her on the phone, this is NOT what I needed right now.  I told her I had NO information other than rephrasing what the doctor had told me and that I would know more in a few hours when he met us in the room and gave us the run down of all the tests he had ordered.

The nurse came back into the room with my little angel and I held him tight and could not help but to cry while he was in my arms at this very moment!!


No comments:

Post a Comment