the talk

I woke up feeling pretty refreshed and ready to tackle my day.  My oldest had to work and my youngest daughter asked if she could come with me today for my 3pm feeding and so she to could meet David for the first time, I of course was happy to have some company today.  My oldest daughter asked "we are getting David, right mom?"  I replied to her "yes, yes we are" she smiled, kissed me and gave me a huge hug, have a good day mom she said as she left out the door.

We started off and of course stopped by my parents house before we headed further up north.  There were a few visitors at the house already, so I made my way to the shop to see my dad and then to the patio where I found my godmother and dear friend of my mom's.  I asked where my mom was and they told me she and my sister were in the house, "your mom is having a bad day sweetie" they told me, so of course I made my way into the house to find them in the baby's nursery, sitting on the bed that had been setup for my sister to use as extra refuge when she had to feed or change the baby when they both came home, just another little reminder that she was not coming home and just how prepared they were, we all were, for her to bring home her first born child, her son and raise him to be a happy, healthy little boy.
I could not stand to be in the room so I walked to the kitchen and then made my way back out to the patio to find my dad out there as well, he asked me "your mom ok" and I simply shook my head `yes`.  Both of us knowing good and well she was not, non of us were, it was just a formality at this point. 
My mom and sister came out and joined us on the patio, my daughter went inside to eat something before we left and my dad said we need to talk about the baby.  I told my parents I would be taking David, it was the only sensible choice at this time, his mother was dead, his father was proving to be absent even at this stage in the game, my sister had already made her decision clear and my mom had proposed that we all `share` him~they would keep him a month, my sister would keep him a month and then I would get him for a month~YES because that is logical!  My mom's dear friend was still there and was very blunt in giving her opinion that this was not even an option, I told them I was willing to do this and in honor of his mother, this is what she wanted, this is what I truly believed she was asking me to do when she was on her death bed.  My dad shook his head in acceptance as my mom gave me all her resistance, I was angree and knew as we all did this was about the only option we had and that in deed it would work out but I needed to hear it, I needed to know this was going to be what was going to happened, I needed something more than the uncertainty that was present, that had been present for the last week, the thought of losing him was just not my option!

My dad had asked me what my plans were for today and I told him I was going to go see David and I would be back for dinner, we were supposed to hear back from the mortuary today as well.  My sister told me she would probably be going home tonight and would be back for the services, she needed to be with her family.  We agreed, we all agreed we each needed some `alone` time since we had been going non stop and this next week would most likely be worse than what we had already been through if that was even possible and with that being said/suggested, I was off and running, 3pm feeding here I come!

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