5 years and still NO reality....

my text read: {first thing in the morning}
I love u SO much!! Thinking of u today my love xoxo

her reply: {many hours later}
Hi, i luv u too. Sorry to just get back to u but i denied the day to make it through. Ox t thank u for ever and everything u do.

at what point do you stop missing someone, I don't think it is physically possible. so why would you continue to deny the days/dates as if they didn't exist just so you can?  why am I the only one that seems strong enough to have to be able to cope with the tragedy and have it thrown in my face, literally, on a daily basis? i wish it was just as easy for me to proclaim "THIS DAY DOES NOT EXIST, THEREFORE I CAN HAVE A GOOD DAY" who does that?  one would presume, one who can not come to terms with the tragedy let alone the loss itself, perhaps there is something that i am missing, something i don't understand, perhaps something that i have failed to see or "hone" in on?? well, i think i have taken on enough of the responsibility and making it extremely easy for others to cope and not deal with "the daily" as i like to refer to it and just know that "those that have the responsibility to do so, do it with great pride and honor" or something very similar to that {my husband reminds me of this often} and for that i am grateful to be the one who continues to make everyday count for a little soul that would have otherwise been lost!!

as i have asked frequently and wondered more often if there is just one little sign you can send me from above to let me know im on the right path, it is still welcomed.  God Bless you my little sister and farewell till we can meet again!!

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