ready..set..

My dad helped me load the bassinet and bags I had packed a few more things, there was no one there with my parents by the time I left, it almost seemed like a normal night, almost being the TOTAL operative word here!  I left and called my girls to see if they wanted to go shopping with me and of course they obliged.  I missed them and knew this was taking it's toll on them as well, they lost their aunt, one of their best friends, this though, I did not know the magnitude for years to come.
We had a good night and some fun shopping, we were NOT used to shopping for boys and had not had a baby around for many, many years.  When we got home Julie came over and had somethings for David also, it was nice to relax and even laugh at all this mess that now took over my home.  The girls went to bed, they had to get up early for school and were very excited also to see David once he came home, my oldest had not seen him since he was first born and my youngest only through a plate glass window in the nursery and Julie had only seen pictures.

Julie came upstairs with me to put together all his stuff, she was my right hand when mine stopped working, she had moved a few months prior into the same condo complex I was living in, she was like a sister to me.  Julie and I ended up on my bed and as I looked at my new decor, I started to cry, ok, I balled, Julie sat in shock and was speechless, she told me "I don't know what to say to make you feel better" I told her "there is nothing anyone can say, this is awful and I don't know anyone who has ever experienced anything like this" then we both then sat and cried. 

I stayed up or a few hours moving from my bed to the stairs and back again, I would go check on the girls and then go into my room and look in the crib and then the bassinet, I couldn't imagine how this had all happened, this is a life changing tragedy in more ways then one, does ANYONE GET THIS, ANYONE BUT ME AND I'M EVEN HAVING A HARD TIME GETTING IT?? 

We were not expecting this, THIS is unfair!