3.21.2012

Happy Birthday

Could these test results stress me out anymore?  WAIT, don't answer that!
 
I woke up with a list a mile long and would be happy if I got just half of it done.  I had packed David as best I could but had also left a lot of things at my parents house knowing he would be there for a week while I was gone in New York.

The girls had made me breakfast while I was upstairs and David was lying in my bed looking at me as  if he knew what was on my mind.  It was a great start to a day and I actually was looking forward to being out and about, feeling like a normal person, feeling like I had some little something to contribute to society today other than my hatred and tears.

I took David to my folks mid day so I could have the rest of the afternoon and night to #1 decompress and #2 pack like a mad woman!  My parents were anxiously awaiting my arrival, well, David's arrival and the moment they saw him I was certain he would all be just fine, my dad grabbed him and was not going to let go, I was sure I would find them in the same exact spot I was about to leave them when I would return a week later! 
I had a good talk with them and shared, once again my "huge" fears in leaving and the test results that were due tomorrow, what if they were bad, what if I was doing the wrong thing by leaving when we were waiting on such important results?  My dad quickly stopped me and my rant and told me two things I remember vividly to this day; "we raised 3 children, I think we can handle this one for a week" and "your going is not going to change the results, they will be what they will be and you will only cheat your daughter and yourself out of this once in a lifetime trip, go, have fun and create some happy memories!"  O.K., enough said, I needed to leave and had to convince myself David would not know/remember I was gone for so long and cried my entire drive back home.

I arrived back home to find Julie waiting for me, she had a key so she came and went as she pleased, it was nice to see her smiling face, she knew exactly what I needed and some 'retail therapy' we did!  The girls were with their dad and would be coming home for dinner later, I was looking forward to my birthday dinner with them.
Julie and I did some damage and then we came home to pack our treasures away for our journey across country.  The girls came home and we all headed out for dinner, our local Mexican restaurant was the winner and it was just what we all needed, some good food, great company and a lot of laughs!

We came home, I had made a few phone calls one in which included a call to my parents to see how they were, how David was and all was just as I expected, just fine.  I called my sister as well to check in and make sure she was doing well and let her know what was going on with the test results and I would be calling her as soon as I found anything out as well, she wished us a safe trip and gave her love.  I didn't stay up to late as we had an early flight and I was exhausted, the past few weeks were waring on me, I could tell but had NO time to fall to their demise, too many things going on for that non-sense. 
My youngest daughter slept with me, I would drop her off at the bus stop then we would head to the airport first thing in the morning, she was sad we were leaving and was missing David already, we all were, it was weird to not have him there even though he had only been in the home for 3 days and everything initially literally had happened overnight....

"sweet dreams my little angel I will return home soon" was my last prayer before I closed my eyes that night and sealed them shut with tears.

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