turmoil

I had gone back to work and was struggling with the fact that David was home with my youngest daughter at night.  She had expressed to me that this was a lot for her with school and being woken up at night and all the homework she had every night **sigh** this was something I dreaded hearing, it simply hurt my heart! I felt bad and did my best to take him on in whole when I was off and NOT rely on her or ask her or anything when I was off/home, I don't think that had too much bearing on her feelings, it was simply just a lot for a 16 year old.  My worry was that she was not grieving or being allowed the time to be a 'kid' and do the things that teens did on weekend nights other than being stuck at home with a new baby & her mother working nights, weekends as well as most holidays.
Again I question "what have I done" "what a huge burden is being placed on my girl's" look what it did to one already?!?!

I strive to keep open communication with her and if there was ever a time she wanted to "give up"
 she needed to let me know, probably not the best choice of words at the time, but in retrospect I was still flying by the seat of my pants on this one too.  She assured me she was fine, it was just hard, I agreed and told her I would try harder to make things as easy as I could for her and that I would never be able to tell her how much she means to me, especially stepping up when I could not be here and just HOW proud her aunt is of her for taking care of her son!! We both sat on the stairs and cried till we woke up David, then we both laughed as she went to his crib to pick him up and bring him downstairs to me so he could eat and have some 'tummy time' :)

I had met with the First Five team, they had come to the house an assessed David and what his needs may be and what services they would be able to provide for him.  I agreed to let them come into the home twice a month for an in home visit and play time to build his coordination and socialization skills, I was not sure he was in need at this age but the fact he is eligible due to the hearing loss and they have the grant money to provide such services.
I also had the appointment with the Audiology department through Valley Children's Hospital, it was a long appointment as they had to have him asleep for half of it and him eating the other half {sucking from his bottle} yet they were NOT schedule friendly with his sleeping/eating times.  I was annoyed and they were not nice, it was at least a 2 hour appointment and when it was all said and done, I knew nothing more than I had when I first heard he was screened and diagnosed with right side hearing loss!

I'm feeling disconnected from my girl's and seemingly more frustrated with all this hospital/appointment business, it is proving to be NOT the business!!