for the love of...

Just like clock work David was hungry and was ready to be fed once we arrived and I stopped the car.  While they all "coo'd" over him and cried I let his father take him out of his seat while I prepared his bottle.  David was overwhelmed and was focused on me and is bottle, that made me feel good at the same time making me feel bad, it was weird.  I gave the bottle to his father and he started the feeding while the others stood over him as if they didn't know what to do, the house was small and I was feeling a little cramped.  David's father was done with the feeding about half way through the bottle and turned him over to me, he got a little further this time and I wondered if it was a show for the present company, either way, it was a better attempt this go `round.
The visit was over, I stayed a little later since there were guests and I knew this was probably the one and only time they would see David, they were friends with my sister, they spent a lot of time with her and saw her through her entire pregnancy, so it was only fitting, I considered it my gift to them.

I had called my dad when I was headed out to their place, it was a whopping 4 minute drive if that but none the less he was waiting outside for me when I drove up.  I was tired, the lack of sleep and my emotions were creeping up on me. My folks were excited to see us and to have David for a couple of days, I was more exicted to be able to get some decent sleep.  I stayed for just a short time since I had to get back home and ready for work, I had two more days left on this sentence then I would be back to get him on my days off.

I made it home in time to make my lunch and out the door, I was cutting it REALLY close.  My daughter was not at home yet but would be staying at her dad's which she did more frequent when David was not at our house.  I missed her but know it was good time away for us all, there was just not nearly enough "alone" time for any of us since this whole mess started, mess I say because is just simple there is not any other nice word I could muster up to describe it!

Work was work and I was able to have a little time in the middle of the night, where NOW I did all my 'stuff' that needed to be done, I needed to put together that latest of my conversation's with David's father and fill in my calendar with the remaining dates I had scheduled for his visitations.  This was proving to be a book-keeper's nightmare, but for this OCD mama I needed to have some good proof, back-up if you will of exactly WHAT was said and done in regards to this little boy whom I have been entrusted to care for and raise as my own.
RAISE AS MY OWN?  for the love of god..did I just think that..he is SO not my flesh and blood or my DNA, he is my nephew I am raising in honor of my sister, he will and can never be thought of as mine, that would be a horrible dishonor to my sister..ok, ok, no more of that nonsense!

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