Work was work, if there wasn't a shooting or a stabbing then it was a slow night, you take phone call after phone call and keep your freedom of speech to yourself. If by chance you happened to be on the radio when someone was fatally injured then you access their life as if there was not one to begin with and move on, your shift is over, you log off and you go home, simple as that, right? right!
It is a stress you laugh about, there is NO way you can take it personal, ever, it would literally be the death of YOU if you thought too long and hard about any of it. You learn to block out the 'mental' picture and find peace within your soul to know that you did everything you could to help the person on the other end, a person you will never see, a person you will never know and a person you may be standing next to in the gorcery store the next day, you have to know you did what you were trained to do at the end of the day.
NOW, that is not to say you will have that call, hear that one voice that will stick with you from time to time or maybe even longer, but it is the job and you build, over time, a resistance to hearing such horrible things, imagining the worst possible scenarios and for me it makes me appreciate SO much what I have within my family and my own children.
I had checked in on David shortly before his bedtime and all was well. I was looking forward to going home and crashing for lack of better terms, this was going to be an epic sleep and I was a litte excited..not much did that now a days so I was willing to take whatever I could get :)
The house was dark &quiet, it made for some GREAT {initial} sleep, 2 hours I think it was, I woke as if I had slept for 12 hours, looked at the clock and wanted to shot myself in the foot, no really, literally! I got up, went to the bathroom and laid back down begging for sleep until tears rolled down my eyes and then it hit me, I was alone, no one to get up and care for and my emotions were coming whether I liked it or not, it was bizarre, I could NOT stop crying. It seemed to have lasted, well, I don't know how long it lasted because the next thing I knew it was nearly 2 p.m. I had slept for almost 8 hours straight and woke up as if I had NO clue where I was.
This was crazy, could I not be alone anymore, was I afraid, had I forgotten, did I not know how to handle myself when there was nothing going on? I felt really out of place and I was in my OWN home, I was not liking the way this made me feel, I needed a repreave not confinement!
I finally rolled out of bed and showered as it was that time again, at least it was my friday and I would be getting David back tomorrow night from my folks. I packed my lunch, checked in with the girls and my folks and off to work I went.
My mom had told me David was coughing a lot today and but seemed to be eating o.k. and slept the most of the day, I asked if he had a fever and she said he did not, so I was a little less worried but knew their smoking was not fairing to well for him. They didn't smoke in the house but might as well had since it was ALL over their clothing and everything they touched including him ): as much as this worried and frustrated me I had no other alternative care so I would just prepare myself and make him better on my days off!
No comments:
Post a Comment