time

It was nice to be settled back in at home and things running smoothly.  I was back to work and my oldest daughter was preparing for her high school graduation in a couple of months.  She has been coming around more often, not 'staying' with us but coming and "hanging out" as they liked to put it, I will take what I can at this point, I feel like my 'force' is out of line due to all the circumstances.
I was still there mother yet I felt more like a friend, a friend who was helping them through a rough time as they were me. I definitely needed them but I'm not so sure that they needed me, this I struggled with for the past few months.  I've had a lot of time lately to think about things, think about decisions that have been made, think about things I may have been able to control and think about things that I had no control over what-so-ever!  I like to think I have things under control but in all reality I/this was {still} a train wreck.

I was still taking David to see his father, I would have to text him to make sure he was available before I loaded him up and took the drive.  I got early on, from all I had heard and what little I had experienced thus far that I need to be diligent with my information and what I send out and definitely what is received.  THIS is where my type 'A' personality comes in, see it IS proving to be a good thing, I KNEW it!  :)
The visits were just under an hour and I made sure I was there about feeding time so he could have some bonding time with David, he seemed to be appreciative and the house was always in order when we arrived.  I didn't feel uncomfortable per-say, I felt more out of place, out of my eliminate and not like I was above his living style or his choices, it was simply because I had NO prior experience with him.  I was safe in the fact I knew he would not hurt me or the baby as I think that was my dad's main concern so I was very much in the habit of letting them know when I came down for a visit and the times I would be at his house.  This eased their minds and gave me a peace about mine!

My folks had been talking about a trip to Las Vegas to see my grandmother and aunt, they had been wanting to meet David.  My aunt was down for the funeral but my grandmother was not able to make the trip nearly 6 months ago now. We were planning a 3 day turn around trip, driving no less, this was going to be fun, not!  The girl's would not be going as they had school and work, my youngest will stay with her dad & sister while I was gone. I was not used to doing things without my girls, they went everywhere with us from birth, I was feeling very disconnected from them.