I have to admit it was kind of nice to be back at work, it made me feel normal again, if that makes ANY sense at all, it was a job that I liked doing and it made me feel good to be able to help people, I was good at my job and proud of what I did. I had a ton of support and a lot of offers for help if only my stubborness would move aside I might have taken up a few more offers than I had, it was like one big family and even though they did not know my sister, they were there for me!
I came home and found my daughter downstairs making a bottle, I quickly swapped places with her and she headed back upstairs to go back to bed. David was still up in his crib and was pretty worked up by this time and seemed happy to see me, he smiled really big and was asleep after two big gulps. He finished his bottle and I laid him back in his crib then I sprawled out on my bed clothes and all. I was still not caught up on my sleep and although I sat for 10 hours at work, it was a very mentally challenging 10 hours and took what energy I had built back up right out of me.
David had a follow-up doctor appointment today, this one I was not able to schedule around my work hours so this would be a long day but hey, what else was new?!?!
My daughter woke me up, I dropped her off at the bus stop, came back home and David was ready to eat again, full, bathed and back down while I got ready for his appointment. We headed to the hospital, found the office and were greeted by two very, very sweet receptionists as they had heard about David and were SO expecting us. I completed more paperwork, put my temporary guardianship papers on file and we were taken back to the exam room where the Dr joined shortly after. He checked David thouroughly as {again} this antibiotic was strong and now creeping up on 9 lbs could have some serious effects on David's little organs, he assured me this was all routine and the appointment was completed as we were given the 'green' light to continue the treatment and he would see us back in 2 weeks. **phew** good news was not what I was used to getting these last few weeks!
I called my folks on my way home as well as my oldest daughter, she was relieved we got a good bill of health beginning this treatment and I would find out more with the pediatrician appoinment later this week for the {full} results of our hospital stay. My dad was grateful & my mom cried, I can't imagine what my folks are going through, to lose a child has to be something NO ONE would ever wish upon anyone. They always say you should always out live your children, not bury them.
When I got home I had a very sleepy little boy and he slept pretty much the remainder of the afternoon, he was coming up on a month old now, 9 lbs and a {overnight} permanent fixture in our home, yet feeling like he had been here forever!
With one appointment under my belt, an {awful} unexpected hospital stay and one more follow-up to come, we should be good to go and focus on our court issues and be home free!! There IS a light at the end of this tragic tunnel....
5.10.2012
5.09.2012
I lost her, or did I?
My youngest was ready for school, I bundled up David and off we went, I dropped her off at the bus stop and back home for COFFEE! Our schedule was a little bizarre, on off days I had the liberty of going back home and relaxing, ok, who am I kidding, it would be back to bed for a nap with David, he was usually up by 10 a.m., he would get a bath, feeding and then some play time before he fell asleep again then it was my time to get ready and by that time it was time to get her from school, driving all the way out to the country since she was in FFA and had a steer she had to feed and groom daily. We were usually home by 6 p.m. in time for some dinner, homework, baths again if needed then B E D!
NOW, on a work day make this the same schedule, but I'm home at 0400 and up at 0645 back down till 10 a.m. and up for the day and running a 'tad' faster to be at work by 6:30 p.m., this occurs 4 nights a week, you get all that? right!
Oh and we must not forget Fair time that was coming up, this would be just insane to try and even keep up.
David was a good baby, a great sleeper, well I'm sure the extra meds helped a little and over all very very happy, he was always smiling.
Our house has definitely not been the same since this tragedy and as much as you wish things to be normal, they are not. The girl's and I have been a little frayed, a little irritable and, well, a little quiet towards one another and I'm certain it is the grieving process and the time we have lost. Lost not just with the death but with one another, I have even less time to be with them, take them places or even sit down and talk with them, if we do it is very rushed and begins with a "if you hurry" and ends with "ok, we will talk about this later" and well, later never comes.
My oldest and I have been at odds and things turned worse. It is always a feather that breaks the camel's back and for the life if me I can not remember what was exactly said or done, but the argument happened and she was gone, she left in a rage and moved out a few days after the argument. I was crushed and thought how dare her leave me, after all we had been through, after she made this commitment with me, to help me, why was she being so stubborn and selfish? This was NOT going to be a good sleep night and I went back to work tomorrow.
I tossed and turned and as hard as I tried I could not sleep, so on the stairs I sat, after a long hot shower and cry. I toiled over what I had done wrong, if I had made a decision that had ultimately pushed my own flesh and blood away, what was I thinking, what was I going to do?
She was 18 years old with the mentality/maturity of a 21 year old, she was always my level headed one, the one with a plan, the one that had love for her aunt that even I had no idea the magnitude! She was hurting and her decision to leave in hast was one that was not ideal but I know for the both of us, it was coming whether the timing was right or not.
Today I go back to work and my youngest daughter will be picked up from school and will be at home with David tonight. She was a little worried she would not be able to get her homework done and her chores and I told her, he is good, he will sleep or sit in his swing {he loves} while she gets her work done. He was only waking up once a night for feedings and we had it to where it was "about" the time I came home so IF she had to get up, I was home to finish the feeding for her and she could fall right back asleep, so no worries there.
NOW, on a work day make this the same schedule, but I'm home at 0400 and up at 0645 back down till 10 a.m. and up for the day and running a 'tad' faster to be at work by 6:30 p.m., this occurs 4 nights a week, you get all that? right!
Oh and we must not forget Fair time that was coming up, this would be just insane to try and even keep up.
David was a good baby, a great sleeper, well I'm sure the extra meds helped a little and over all very very happy, he was always smiling.
Our house has definitely not been the same since this tragedy and as much as you wish things to be normal, they are not. The girl's and I have been a little frayed, a little irritable and, well, a little quiet towards one another and I'm certain it is the grieving process and the time we have lost. Lost not just with the death but with one another, I have even less time to be with them, take them places or even sit down and talk with them, if we do it is very rushed and begins with a "if you hurry" and ends with "ok, we will talk about this later" and well, later never comes.
My oldest and I have been at odds and things turned worse. It is always a feather that breaks the camel's back and for the life if me I can not remember what was exactly said or done, but the argument happened and she was gone, she left in a rage and moved out a few days after the argument. I was crushed and thought how dare her leave me, after all we had been through, after she made this commitment with me, to help me, why was she being so stubborn and selfish? This was NOT going to be a good sleep night and I went back to work tomorrow.
I tossed and turned and as hard as I tried I could not sleep, so on the stairs I sat, after a long hot shower and cry. I toiled over what I had done wrong, if I had made a decision that had ultimately pushed my own flesh and blood away, what was I thinking, what was I going to do?
She was 18 years old with the mentality/maturity of a 21 year old, she was always my level headed one, the one with a plan, the one that had love for her aunt that even I had no idea the magnitude! She was hurting and her decision to leave in hast was one that was not ideal but I know for the both of us, it was coming whether the timing was right or not.
Today I go back to work and my youngest daughter will be picked up from school and will be at home with David tonight. She was a little worried she would not be able to get her homework done and her chores and I told her, he is good, he will sleep or sit in his swing {he loves} while she gets her work done. He was only waking up once a night for feedings and we had it to where it was "about" the time I came home so IF she had to get up, I was home to finish the feeding for her and she could fall right back asleep, so no worries there.
5.07.2012
someone? anyone?
Today was our 3rd day in the hospital and I was feeling a little anxious to go home. We were woken up early at shift change and the nurses seemed to think we would be able to go home today. David was doing much better and had responded well to the treatments and was on his {strong} antibiotic regimen, a regimen he would be on for at least the next six months. They started it while we were in the hospital just in case he would have any side effects, he was barely at the 7 lb mark and on an antibiotic that was dangerous for his little system, it could do damage to his tiny organs but giving the fact he was subjected to a life threatening sepsis, it was something that needed to be done. They had performed a spinal tap to make sure he was at least healthy enough to be on this medication, having to `fold` him in half and see them stick a needle in his spine that was WAY bigger than him was something that I was SO not prepared for ):
This little boy was a fighter from day one, and in that, I mean a fighter from day one of conception. He was subjected to drugs from both his parents, prior to from his mother and I know during from his father and his mother fighting a grave disease throughout the entire pregnancy and not knowing for one second there was anything wrong. The doctors told us she had been sick for sometime, this is after her death, unknown for sure but at least 2 to 3 years worth. My little sister was strong willed and never once complained, if we saw any signs at all, it was from her normal and usual asthma issues, she would then retreat to her room and it always seemed to "worked itself out".
I did a quick freshen up this morning, in hopes of going home and was waiting for the doctor to come for his rounds, WHY always on the day you anticipate leaving they come NOT SO bright and early? My folks had come down as well as my daughters and we were all waiting, waiting AND waiting.
It was almost lunch time by the time we saw the doctor and we were given the o.k. to go home today, this was AWESOME news to my ears, I missed my bed and I was glad this little guy was all better, there was NO time in my schedule for this down time!
All the paperwork was completed, we were given meds and meds and more meds, we had made a few more standing doctors appointments with the infectious disease doctor who would be our main care provider at this point until David was able to be {weaned} off these super ubber antibiotics, other then his well baby check-ups we would be coming back to the hospital every 2 weeks for at least a month then we can move to once a month depending on David's progress.
Home~Sweet~Home..Julie was here to greet us and help me get settled in and then she went home, the girl's were here for a little bit then he oldest left and the youngest went to eat at her dad's since she knew I would be tired and David was resting.
O.K. can someone tell me what to do next? I'm in forward mode and that pretty much says it all!! I can't think, I don't eat, and I definitely DON'T sleep! This is beginning to take it's toll on all of us.
I need help, although I'm too proud to ask for it, my girl's are finding themselves, it is just the ages plus their grief process is in HIGH gear, my folks are emotionally unavailable and my sister lives too far away.
I'm home alone, David is resting, I'm watching him sleep right next to me and all I want to do is sleep and sleep for a long time! I start to cry, muffled as to not wake him and guess that is what I needed since I didn't wake up until the next morning.
This little boy was a fighter from day one, and in that, I mean a fighter from day one of conception. He was subjected to drugs from both his parents, prior to from his mother and I know during from his father and his mother fighting a grave disease throughout the entire pregnancy and not knowing for one second there was anything wrong. The doctors told us she had been sick for sometime, this is after her death, unknown for sure but at least 2 to 3 years worth. My little sister was strong willed and never once complained, if we saw any signs at all, it was from her normal and usual asthma issues, she would then retreat to her room and it always seemed to "worked itself out".
I did a quick freshen up this morning, in hopes of going home and was waiting for the doctor to come for his rounds, WHY always on the day you anticipate leaving they come NOT SO bright and early? My folks had come down as well as my daughters and we were all waiting, waiting AND waiting.
It was almost lunch time by the time we saw the doctor and we were given the o.k. to go home today, this was AWESOME news to my ears, I missed my bed and I was glad this little guy was all better, there was NO time in my schedule for this down time!
All the paperwork was completed, we were given meds and meds and more meds, we had made a few more standing doctors appointments with the infectious disease doctor who would be our main care provider at this point until David was able to be {weaned} off these super ubber antibiotics, other then his well baby check-ups we would be coming back to the hospital every 2 weeks for at least a month then we can move to once a month depending on David's progress.
Home~Sweet~Home..Julie was here to greet us and help me get settled in and then she went home, the girl's were here for a little bit then he oldest left and the youngest went to eat at her dad's since she knew I would be tired and David was resting.
O.K. can someone tell me what to do next? I'm in forward mode and that pretty much says it all!! I can't think, I don't eat, and I definitely DON'T sleep! This is beginning to take it's toll on all of us.
I need help, although I'm too proud to ask for it, my girl's are finding themselves, it is just the ages plus their grief process is in HIGH gear, my folks are emotionally unavailable and my sister lives too far away.
I'm home alone, David is resting, I'm watching him sleep right next to me and all I want to do is sleep and sleep for a long time! I start to cry, muffled as to not wake him and guess that is what I needed since I didn't wake up until the next morning.
5.06.2012
I prayed
Morning came and instead of the room lighting up with the sunshine from outside it lit up with nurses and doctors who were all very concerned over this little guy's health and condition, at a little under 7 lbs, having pneumonia and breathing problems adding in the factor of possible toxic exposure was something that needed to be very closely monitored.
The infectious disease Dr came in and assured me that he would be able to be taken out of the tent and given 4 hour treatments as soon as they finished their rounds and that we would be here at least another night or quite possibly two, this was a relief but at this point all I wanted to do was hold him in my arms and not change another diaper through this plastic tent.
The infectious disease Dr had joined the mornig rounds since we had missed our appointment in clinic at the hospital he came to us, it was a nice feeling with all the other factors in the equation. The Dr and nurse then began to diassemble the plastic little tent that held his little being for the last 24 hours, you should have seen the stretch on this little guy, it was ALL arms and legs for a good 30 seconds, I went to move in as he opened his eyes and looked straight at me as to say "where have you been" I kissed and swooped him up then sat cuddled in the big wooden rocker, this is where my folks found us nearly 2 hours later, I was surprised that much time has passsed.
My folks were elated to see he was out of his tent enclosure, my mom took my place in the chair as my dad and I went down for coffee. My dad was not talkative, well till we got our coffee and headed back out of the cafeteria, he stopped me and said "let's sit in here for a little bit", I of course abliged. He asked me how I was, I said, of course, "I'm fine dad", "are you guys ok?", he hesitated and he said "we are doing o.k., we are worried about David and you", I could not respond or the flood gates would have opened and I was not prepared this morning to 'go there' so soon in the day **sigh**
We went back up to the room after 20 minutes or so and found my mom in the same spot we had left her, it was a good feeling to see her smile. I took a quick shower while they were there and before his treatments started, I was prepared for a busy day, I slept decent, but it was not home, that is for sure!
My folks left after 2 hours and that is pushing it, I know they have been throough hell and back the last couple weeks and this was way too much for them to handle, to see his little guy in distress and hooked up to machines and monitors. The phone call and texts started coming in and my daughters came out a little before noon and stayed till at least dinner time.
The treatments began and continued through the night. The hospital staff was SO nice and accomodating to my needs as much as they were to David's, I had never EVER been in the hospital setting with either one of my girl's, this was something pretty foreign to me, but seemed par for the course with all the other cicumstances that surrounded this little heart beat that had now seemed to have finally fallen alseep in my arms.
The Dr made his final rounds and night had fallen, I was exhausted, the lack of sleep was catching up to me, it was apparent to the nurse's so once the night shift came on and got settled they told me if I needed some help or some sleep just ask and they would take David to their station and feed him for me, I thanked her and thought to myself "no way in hell is he leaving my sight".
David was responding well to the treatments every 4 hours and since he had had constant exposure for almost 24 hours they moved them to every 6 hours then as needed. David was not sleep deprived as he had slept for almost 2 days/nights straight, I made th last feeding at 10pm, I rocked him to sleep and then fell onto the couch, I was 'toast'.
I vaguely remember the RT coming in at midnight to give a treatment, I was irritated and it was obvisous, they woke him and it took me almost an hour to get him back to sleep now that he was awake and the medication was now making him "hyper", it was taking a toll on his tiny body. I was finally able to lay him back down, he was not able to lay with me which would have been SO MUCH easier but the hospital frowned on it since he was SO tiny and the couch was not a suitable bed & the fact he was hooked up to an IV pole.
I was startled by a noise, I rolled over squinting at the bed, saw messy covers then glanced over and saw lines hanging off the bed and then no pole! I jumped up in panic, almost forgot where I was, then hit the door, swung it open and found 2 nurses sitting with complete joy on their faces holding this little angel whom was sleeping as sound as he would have been in my arms. The head nurse saw the panic and apologized and said "at the last treatment u were "out" and he was playful" and they wanted me to get some much needed rest, she knew the situation, she was one I confided in, ok, cried with the night we were admitted so I thanked her and went to lay back down and at least gain my barrings back. I had actually slept for almost 4 full hours and took another hour and a half before they brought him back into the room when he fell alseep and I took a quick shower before the Dr would come back in and hopefully send us home today, I prayed.
The infectious disease Dr came in and assured me that he would be able to be taken out of the tent and given 4 hour treatments as soon as they finished their rounds and that we would be here at least another night or quite possibly two, this was a relief but at this point all I wanted to do was hold him in my arms and not change another diaper through this plastic tent.
The infectious disease Dr had joined the mornig rounds since we had missed our appointment in clinic at the hospital he came to us, it was a nice feeling with all the other factors in the equation. The Dr and nurse then began to diassemble the plastic little tent that held his little being for the last 24 hours, you should have seen the stretch on this little guy, it was ALL arms and legs for a good 30 seconds, I went to move in as he opened his eyes and looked straight at me as to say "where have you been" I kissed and swooped him up then sat cuddled in the big wooden rocker, this is where my folks found us nearly 2 hours later, I was surprised that much time has passsed.
My folks were elated to see he was out of his tent enclosure, my mom took my place in the chair as my dad and I went down for coffee. My dad was not talkative, well till we got our coffee and headed back out of the cafeteria, he stopped me and said "let's sit in here for a little bit", I of course abliged. He asked me how I was, I said, of course, "I'm fine dad", "are you guys ok?", he hesitated and he said "we are doing o.k., we are worried about David and you", I could not respond or the flood gates would have opened and I was not prepared this morning to 'go there' so soon in the day **sigh**
We went back up to the room after 20 minutes or so and found my mom in the same spot we had left her, it was a good feeling to see her smile. I took a quick shower while they were there and before his treatments started, I was prepared for a busy day, I slept decent, but it was not home, that is for sure!
My folks left after 2 hours and that is pushing it, I know they have been throough hell and back the last couple weeks and this was way too much for them to handle, to see his little guy in distress and hooked up to machines and monitors. The phone call and texts started coming in and my daughters came out a little before noon and stayed till at least dinner time.
The treatments began and continued through the night. The hospital staff was SO nice and accomodating to my needs as much as they were to David's, I had never EVER been in the hospital setting with either one of my girl's, this was something pretty foreign to me, but seemed par for the course with all the other cicumstances that surrounded this little heart beat that had now seemed to have finally fallen alseep in my arms.
The Dr made his final rounds and night had fallen, I was exhausted, the lack of sleep was catching up to me, it was apparent to the nurse's so once the night shift came on and got settled they told me if I needed some help or some sleep just ask and they would take David to their station and feed him for me, I thanked her and thought to myself "no way in hell is he leaving my sight".
David was responding well to the treatments every 4 hours and since he had had constant exposure for almost 24 hours they moved them to every 6 hours then as needed. David was not sleep deprived as he had slept for almost 2 days/nights straight, I made th last feeding at 10pm, I rocked him to sleep and then fell onto the couch, I was 'toast'.
I vaguely remember the RT coming in at midnight to give a treatment, I was irritated and it was obvisous, they woke him and it took me almost an hour to get him back to sleep now that he was awake and the medication was now making him "hyper", it was taking a toll on his tiny body. I was finally able to lay him back down, he was not able to lay with me which would have been SO MUCH easier but the hospital frowned on it since he was SO tiny and the couch was not a suitable bed & the fact he was hooked up to an IV pole.
I was startled by a noise, I rolled over squinting at the bed, saw messy covers then glanced over and saw lines hanging off the bed and then no pole! I jumped up in panic, almost forgot where I was, then hit the door, swung it open and found 2 nurses sitting with complete joy on their faces holding this little angel whom was sleeping as sound as he would have been in my arms. The head nurse saw the panic and apologized and said "at the last treatment u were "out" and he was playful" and they wanted me to get some much needed rest, she knew the situation, she was one I confided in, ok, cried with the night we were admitted so I thanked her and went to lay back down and at least gain my barrings back. I had actually slept for almost 4 full hours and took another hour and a half before they brought him back into the room when he fell alseep and I took a quick shower before the Dr would come back in and hopefully send us home today, I prayed.
5.05.2012
the stay...
I made my phone calls and in no specific order, my girls, my parents, my sister, my girlfriends, work and David's father to let them know what was going on. We were settled in a room, unknown to me but what would be our home for the next 4 days! They had David on several monitors and he had been 'tented' this was a cruel looking little plastic bubble, well square they had him in and he was not to be removed except for changing and minimal feedings. I was fine until my girl's arrived and then I lost it when they saw him, I mean what the hell was happening, what the hell was going on, WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW??
David was in an open onesie and a diaper and had the iv coming from his groin, his arms and feet and legs were too small for even the smallest needle for them to gain a line. It was a site I don't like to remember at all, he was a trooper and slept most of the time, almost 12 hours the first day after we were admitted.
My folks showed up and my mom was an emotional train wreck, didn't need that and my dad was worried sick, when they saw David they almost immediately left the room. My aunt had come down as well and when I was telling her I had called David's father my mom overheard me and started to cry, my dad asked why and when he found out he rushed out of the room. My aunt understood and to my folks it was all still to raw, explaining to them that I HAD TO, we were NOT out of the woods and I had to keep peace! WHY was I the only one getting this?
My aunt left shortly after she arrived as other visitors were coming including David's father after everyone had left, he stayed all of 5 minutes and then left as well. My folks stayed a little over an hour and made their exit, I knew this was too much for them, I could barely hardly hold it together at this point and the girl's offered to stay while I drove home for some clothes and personal items I would need for the remainder of our stay. My girlfriend had come down and knew I was in no shape to drive so she drove me to my home to get my things, this way I would have some company as well, I was still working on NO sleep and it was apparently showing!
I vaguely remember the drive back to my place yet remember vividly sitting on the edge of the bed balling my eyes out until she came in, laid me down and said "please rest for a little while" I will take you back as soon as you wake up" she went as far as to call the hospital and make sure David was fine and my daughter was in the room with him.
I awoke a couple hours later in a panic and for sure thinking he was missing me and knowing I needed to get back as soon as possible to see what his status was. I called the nurses station on our way back and they assured me he was just fine and didn't even know I had left. It was little consolation since he WAS the only thing that mattered at this point and to lose him would not even be an option, THIS I kept totally to myself even though I was confident it was on everyone elses mind yet no one dared speak of it!
I got back to the room in time for the doctor to come in and tell me David was progressing but the pneumonia came fast and was worse than they had initially thought. He would stay in the tent for the night for sure and we would re-evaluate him first thing in the morning. I wanted to hold him so bad I could not even stand it and it was becoming humid in the room with visitors and the machine running non stop and I could hardly see him over the fog that filled his little space, my heart was very very heavy.
Everyone had gone, my folks came back down to sit with him while I went to the office and completed his paperwork and admission forms and got a bite to eat and then they left, my daughters left and I was alone in the room, exhausted and completely numb to what was happening, I barely had enough energy to change my clothes and make my couch/bed, the next thing I knew the nurse came in to turn my light off and check David one more time as she assured me unless I needed them they would leave me/us be for the night, little relief but for now it was all I had!
David was in an open onesie and a diaper and had the iv coming from his groin, his arms and feet and legs were too small for even the smallest needle for them to gain a line. It was a site I don't like to remember at all, he was a trooper and slept most of the time, almost 12 hours the first day after we were admitted.
My folks showed up and my mom was an emotional train wreck, didn't need that and my dad was worried sick, when they saw David they almost immediately left the room. My aunt had come down as well and when I was telling her I had called David's father my mom overheard me and started to cry, my dad asked why and when he found out he rushed out of the room. My aunt understood and to my folks it was all still to raw, explaining to them that I HAD TO, we were NOT out of the woods and I had to keep peace! WHY was I the only one getting this?
My aunt left shortly after she arrived as other visitors were coming including David's father after everyone had left, he stayed all of 5 minutes and then left as well. My folks stayed a little over an hour and made their exit, I knew this was too much for them, I could barely hardly hold it together at this point and the girl's offered to stay while I drove home for some clothes and personal items I would need for the remainder of our stay. My girlfriend had come down and knew I was in no shape to drive so she drove me to my home to get my things, this way I would have some company as well, I was still working on NO sleep and it was apparently showing!
I vaguely remember the drive back to my place yet remember vividly sitting on the edge of the bed balling my eyes out until she came in, laid me down and said "please rest for a little while" I will take you back as soon as you wake up" she went as far as to call the hospital and make sure David was fine and my daughter was in the room with him.
I awoke a couple hours later in a panic and for sure thinking he was missing me and knowing I needed to get back as soon as possible to see what his status was. I called the nurses station on our way back and they assured me he was just fine and didn't even know I had left. It was little consolation since he WAS the only thing that mattered at this point and to lose him would not even be an option, THIS I kept totally to myself even though I was confident it was on everyone elses mind yet no one dared speak of it!
I got back to the room in time for the doctor to come in and tell me David was progressing but the pneumonia came fast and was worse than they had initially thought. He would stay in the tent for the night for sure and we would re-evaluate him first thing in the morning. I wanted to hold him so bad I could not even stand it and it was becoming humid in the room with visitors and the machine running non stop and I could hardly see him over the fog that filled his little space, my heart was very very heavy.
Everyone had gone, my folks came back down to sit with him while I went to the office and completed his paperwork and admission forms and got a bite to eat and then they left, my daughters left and I was alone in the room, exhausted and completely numb to what was happening, I barely had enough energy to change my clothes and make my couch/bed, the next thing I knew the nurse came in to turn my light off and check David one more time as she assured me unless I needed them they would leave me/us be for the night, little relief but for now it was all I had!
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