it started with a phone call....

...from her to me...she was excited with her news as I was less than!  Something I carry guilt for to this day, perhaps so.

I had a million questions for her and was not congratulatory at all.  I had more important things I needed to do at that moment and had no time for such non-sense.  I was the oldest and the one who cared for her most of her life and knew this was a mistake and would talk to her later about her situation!

I remember hanging up and just asking myself what had she gotten herself into, I mean come on, she is still living at home and can't hold a job, how is she going to take care of a baby for goodness sakes?!?!  Well, it's not my problem and that is where I left it.

The weeks and months past and with each visit to my parents home she was all to excited to show me her growing belly as well as the things she had accumulated for the babies room.  I remember my mom telling me to stop being so hard on her, she wanted my approval and needed my support.  I explained I was more concerned about her {past} "usage" and her ability to take full responsibility and be able to care for another life other than her own! 

My visits were not as frequent until it was time to plan a shower for her and her baby, which we had subsequently found out was a boy.  I had made a few trips down for the planning and on one particular day had made my way into her room, where she spent ALL her time and we talked, talked for almost 2 hours I think it was and both of us were in tears.  I can't remember exactly all that was said, which is weird, but I do remember I told her I was disappointed in her choices yet I supported her 100% and I would be here for her as I always have been, she was relieved and said she was sorry for her choices and she was looking forward to me meeting her son and showing me what a good "mommy" she would be, just like I had been to her!!

I guess you don't the impact you have till you nearly throw it away with your selfishness....

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