pull em' up

I pondered all day and most of the night about my decision to move closer to my folks so I could relieve the girl's and have the {steady} help I needed with David.  My oldest was already out and the youngest was spending a lot more time at her dad's, this broke my heart and I knew the toll this was taking on them, I worried it was coming between us, felt it already had and before the damage was irreversible I needed to make things easier for them.  This SUCKED!

I would tell my daughter today that I had made my decision and give my 30 day notice.  My folks were happy I was moving closer and David's father seemed to be happy but gave nothing further. 
My daughter had farm duty after school so when I picked her up I would tell her on our drive home, it was pizza night since as soon as we got home, I would drop them off and head straight to work, it was Friday, I'm looking forward to having some quiet days off.

My daughter seemed sad with a look of relief in her eyes when I told her I had decided that moving was going to be my best option for David at this stage, I told her I would be looking for a 3 bedroom apartment and would love her to move with me but understood at the same time I could not ask her to change schools this late in the game.  I told her I wanted no bad feelings and made sure she understood why I needed to move, she said she knew and understood with the look that said "please don't go mom!" which killed me and put me in a bad place for the entire night.  My oldest was upset but was kind of out of the game anyway at this point, she was in full grief mode, which we all should have been, along with her busy teenage/pre-adult life!

My night seemed to creep by at work, it's not like I had NOTHING on my mind, right??  I had forgotten about David's meeting at the center tomorrow afternoon.  His worker had asked us to come to the center so we could get a feel for or see just how David would respond to some mild social interaction as well as access to more resources for his "play" activities. 
I am tired, feeling physically and mentally worn out and it was looking like there was NO relief in site, so I knew it was going to be a set of days off I would need to pull out my big girl panties and pull them up HIGH and just forge on!