cry baby

I checked in as always, my daughter seemed a little bit flustered and said David was fussier than usual and wasn't settling down as easily as he usually does.  I questioned if he was breathing o.k., if he had eaten, been changed and then suggested she give him a warm bath, water always seemed to calm him down for some reason.
I know she was a little more annoyed than usual with my questions/suggestions and took it that she did not have the ability to take care of him in actuality it was me feeling WAY guilty that I was leaving her alone to have to deal with the situation while I was at work, it was an extremely difficult thing for me and at most times like this, I needed to block it out and just move forward.

I worried so much when I was away from the house, away from him and worried even more about the girls and how this has taken it's toll on them. WHAT was I going to do?  I thought more about moving back to town with my folks, well, not WITH them, but in the same town so I could give the girls their freedom back and have the relief I needed in the same town and not be away from him for 3 days at a time BUT means I would be away from my girls all the time and the time I DID not have with them would be cut even more, I wanted to scream, so instead I cried, at work and had to re-focus..fast!

Besides Jules and Amanda I had a great bff, a guy bff no less, it was the safest guy friend I could have asked for, we were peas in a pod, he was married hence the 'safe' part and the most faithful man I was convinced NEVER existed.  I needed some help with the decision, Jules & Amanda were with me on the "help" part and didn't really give to much insight on my daughters, it was more on what "I" needed and what was best for David, sigh...HE on the other hand was there to listen and give great pep talks when I would cry about missing my girls. We worked together so he would check in frequently and we would have some nice "hall" talks as he would try to straighten out my bad attitude, I felt safe to have one with him and he totally understood!  There was not a whole lot of ME time now-a-days so when it came to relationships, there was just NO time that was just the way it had to be, it was WAY to complicated and I could not devote my "soul" time to anyone other than my girls, especially now with David, a newborn with some pretty complicated circumstances!

Needless to say when I came home my daughter was asleep on the couch with David on her chest, I started to cry, I knew she had a rough night and her sleep was not the best nor was David's.  I put my stuff away, carefully moved him to his bed upstairs where he didn't even flinch and covered her up and left her be, her alarm would be going off in 3 hours anyway. 

David slept all the way till my daughter came in to get me up to take her to the bus, he was starving by the time we got back from the 5 minute round trip drop off and was NOT a happy camper.  His eating schedule was a little off but luckily he ate and went back down for almost another 2 hours which 'really' screwed up the afternoon naptime...sigh...


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