what's a sperm worth anyway?

How freaking slow did that night drag?  Once I came home and FINALLY got to sleep it was time to get right back up again, this was not going to be pretty.  I came home from taking my daughter to the bus stop and had a phone call from David's father, requesting me to bring him down for a visit before he went to work this afternoon, that was NOT going to happen today what so ever!  I text that I was into my work week and if he wanted to visit then he was more than welcome to come down and see him, I was about due for formula, although he was not so dependent on it anymore and some support money was due as well.  I sent the message off and then regretted it, ALWAYS check your text before you send it off, rule of thumb, right?
I got a quick response actually which said he would NOT be able to come down before work, it would just be too hectic for him, REALLY? and it wouldn't be for me?  "buffoon" I thought to myself as I worried if this would be held against me in the courts eyes...sigh

I was still SO worried about all the legalities of this whole guardianship thing and how it worked and 'what' rights he really had, I was certain they would be "nil to none" but I also know with my current job and background knowledge he could be awarded it all if he showed good efforts and turned his life around, which I was certain was not gonna happen, but feared it all the same!
I could NOT fathom my life without this little guy in it, I think I would literally go insane if he was taken away, as much as I've told myself, he is 'not' yours, he was here, in my home, in my care, and I was his guardian, awarded by the courts and I took an oath to do everything in my power to raise him as my own child and keep him safe.

I had made a rule for myself from day one to document every single contact I had with is father and the notations were already a half binder thick, this is gonna be fun {insert sarcasm}!
My dad was still 'anti-sperm donor' and I had no "real" outlet to talk about all the stuff I was dealing with as far as his father was concerned, this was something very very foreign to me, I knew of NO ONE else who was going through nor had gone through something like this ever before-Family Birth/Sudden Sickness/Tragic Death/NICU Preemie/Baby Daddy/Court fight/DNA testing/Court granted Guardianship all within a time frame of 2 weeks??  Who does that, ever?!?!  Who even {wants} to understand it all?!?! 
Again, feeling very very alone & overwhelmed..any/each one of these "excitement/grief" scenarios carries at least a few months of adjustment minimum, right, what happens when they all come at once?  I mean what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right?  I'm just trying to justify to myself why on any given day I get out of bed and attempt to function for the sake of ME!!  It is pure survival at this point and where it goes from here is in god's hands!

David's ready for a morning snack and nap and I think it best I take one too!!

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