10.23.2011

the hardest part....

is letting go...

giving all of your faith

giving all of your trust

giving all your of heart

giving all of your confidence

giving all of your fears

giving all of your tears

giving your entire being


the hardest part...



of letting go is giving everything you've ever believed in and giving it to one human soul for the rest of YOUR lives!!

10.21.2011

lessons learned...

...it was THE worst feeling a parent could have, a lost child.  you drill safety into your children, you tell them that strangers are dangerous and will take them away from you yet when they are in trouble and lost, you want them to seek assistance from someone near them.

we happen to be out of town at a function that was outdoors where hundreds of people present.  David decides he wants to play on some bounce house attractions they had for the children to play on.  daddy darrow buys him tickets and he is a 'happy little boy' going from one to the other in full stride.

this one particular one is very large and is an obstacle course of sorts with two starting points.  David attempts to climb on the left side and falls, bounces off the {bottom} pad and lands on the ground with his elbow breaking his fall, he looks at me with an embarrassing look yet determined to win this fight!  he succeeds, as he always seems to do, and continues his way through the rest of the course.  we arrive at the exit to see a child come out that had started at the same time as David but on the right side, I quickly tell daddy darrow to go to the other side as David might come out there and be upset someone was not waiting for him, daddy darrow proceeds to the other side of the spaceship bounce house.

I stand in waiting for a few minutes and NO ONE is coming out of this left side, I get a quick thought that maybe he is out already and he is with daddy darrow and they will be walking up anytime now, not wanting to move just in case I stand my ground.  time goes by, 2 extremely long minutes and I now know something is wrong.  do I stay here, go to the other side, grab the attendant to go look for him, scream his name, about to have a full panic attack I see out of my left eye 2 police officers walking up with David whom has the most terrified look in his eyes I have EVER seen and hope to not see again anytime soon.  he was shoeless, wearing socks only and 2 huge crocodile tears he was trying to hold back until he saw me as I quickly knelt down to grab him up, yet not too fast as to scare him.  he tells me "i not find you mama, where were you?  I tell him "I was waiting right here for you baby" the officer told me he had made it almost two full vendor rows over, probably making his way to the fire truck that was parked a few rows back from the landing strip.  I'm thinking he was going to them since he KNOWS 'they help people' when they need help!

I had to stay calm as to not freak him out yet let him know he was a brave boy and that he did a good job in finding help.  I asked him what he told the officer and he said he told them "I can't find my mommy" and he said they told him we will help you find her.  we made our way over to daddy darrow on the other side and reunited everyone and took a break from the bounce houses...

the rest of the day was uneventful although David stayed close by and wanted to try the other 2 bounce houses that he had not gotten into, one was a little larger w/same entrance and exit which he came out of pretty fast and said "I don't like that one mama, that one will lose me" and we trotted off to the smaller one he liked much better but was obviously still shaken as he came to the mesh and checked on "me" frequently...

it is hard to believe this is something you know every parent will experience yet something that is the most fearful thing you will experience as a parent!!

10.19.2011

time spent & energy wasted....

Who cares if you're Black or White, Mexican or Asian?

It is a simple descriptor & nothing that defines you as a person…
Having a job that you must mentally prepare for daily should not include worrying about what people think of you! Such preparedness should not have to consist of what you wear or perhaps even how many tattoos you have…
Do you honestly think that a woman that was just beaten or a child that witnessed a horrific crime or even a man who has just been shot really cares what you're wearing or how many tattoos u have?
Many of us should turn our focus on supporting those close to us, go beyond your family, including those you work with, with praise, taking that extra step, extending ones self.  A small compliment can go a LONG way, your understanding may be just what they were looking for at that very moment! It saddens me more often than none that people will turn to childhood antics to make them feel better about ones self, something that doesn’t even affect them…I guess that is what sets me aside from ‘them’…
I choose to use my energy on those who truly deserve it, those around me who mean something to me and those whom have “earned” the right to be in my life!!

10.15.2011

off the wall......

Why do most strive to be consistent while others are consistently inconsistent??




You may not have had control over what you were given, or how you were raised; you DO though have control over how you give it to others..


 
Don’t mistake my laughter for happiness or my tears for pain..

10.12.2011

I'm NOT alone.....am I?

please tell me I am NOT the only one who has ever wanted to stay in bed, pull the covers over my head and hide out, FOREVER!  it could quite possibly be depression is knocking at your door, but then it goes away because you won't answer....THANK GOODNESS

please tell me I am NOT the only one who has put it all out there and then questioned the manner in which it was being received?  I mean why do it in the first place if it is not going to be the gift you intended it to be....YESTERDAY IS THE PAST AND TODAY IS A GIFT, hence WHY IT IS CALLED THE PRESENT

please tell me I am NOT the only one who gets hurt feelings, one who has healed a broken heart, or two! do they ever truly heal? I mean they say you lose a part of you everytime something tragic happens, where does that "PART" come from??

please tell me I am NOT the only one has learned the hard way from my mistakes and that I can acknowledge when I am wrong, put the past behind me and forgive, yet never FORGET!!  that's not a bad thing, RIGHT??

please tell me I am NOT the only one see's the inner beauty in people, is nieve to the fact their is evil in each one of us and that there is a simple class of  "do-gooders" and "rule breakers" amoung us!!

please tell me I am NOT the only one looking for answers where there are none to be found, why it is SO hard to take NO for an answer, given your request to ask is always YES?!?!  I guess it follows the old addage "don't ask a question you don't want the answer to" but but but I DO!!

please tell me I am NOT the only one who has cried over spilt milk!!

please tell me I am NOT the only only who has been lied to....WAIT, now I have to believe there are LIARS amoung us also?? say it is NOT so!!

please tell me I am NOT the only who speeds and had forgotten how to compose a simple letter BY HAND...

please tell me I am NOT the only one who is the ONLY one?!?!