my soul is tired...

...it may look like the journey has come to an end, that is SO not the case! 2 and 1/2 years, 2 months, 2 weeks, or 2 days, honestly it all runs together, I have no idea where that past 9 years have gone, I can literally replay almost every single second, yet I can't seem to recall where my car keys are on a daily basis.

...as you can tell it's been a huge sacrifice and one that I forcefully and willingly chose, and more often lately I am reminded just how much of a whim it was made on. It doesn't change the path of the journey or even the decision, it doesn't make it less stressful, and it surely doesn't make it more bearable, it just seems to remain stuck in this manageable mode!

Do I feel bad saying that? Not a chance (it may have taken me nearly 3 years to say that aloud) but still, it is the truth and sometimes as much as it hurts to admit the truth, it is also part of the healing needed for the soul, the heart and the daily grind that goes along with all the "stuff!"

I am confident and have embraced this as a (very long) process, it is real life and shenanigans do happen. Obstacles do come up, hurdles block you or just simply block and trip you up and since I am not a sprinter and have -0- upper body strength, they trip me a little more often, but that is ok, my knees are prone now-a-days.
I think I have been eternally praying for 9 years straight now and on most days (sad to say) convinced no one is listening, no one understands, and no one is willing to truly walk beside me. It is easier to feel bad, feel sorry, or worse yet, just avoid the whole situation all together. If that makes you feel better, then I can't fault you for that, I, on the other hand have to keep that swivel oiled as I have many faces I show each day and to those who know me, know that my soul is tired, it is exhausted, and simply run down!

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