Do YOU walk with God?

**WARNING** 2 year old post, YES, I am trying, yet again to become more and more "faithful" to myself and as I read this post, how appropriate it is to publish it today ~ Happy Reading!!
 

WELP! I did it, took the leap today and let me just tell you how good, GREAT it felt to walk back into a church (that didn't burn down).
I knew I was losing it, truly losing it, everything seemed beyond my control yet it was all happening right in front of my face and in lightening speed. I can honestly say that the day I got the phone call that my baby sister was leaving us, I have never experienced such pain and heartache than I have in the last two weeks! I proclaim to be one of the strongest people on earth, I have been through enough so I think, scratch that, I KNOW I am entitled. I will also tell you that I was in no way, shape or form prepared to do what I have done and will have to do for the next few months.
I was silently asking for help, because it is in NO way acceptable for me to ask for real, a curse maybe, safety net, for sure. I grew up in a traditional Catholic family, the events faded as my family grew, but the Sunday's at my grandparents was a for sure thing until my grandfather became ill and passed away my senior year of high school, this would be the first time I experienced death. Whether my parents shielded me from any of it in my younger years to this day, I was not sure, but this was the first of a long list of good-byes I would have to participate in.
I hold close to my heart, my grandfather's crucifix...
I have an engraved bible from a dear friend that knew I needed it more than I did...
I have always held family and childhood traditions close, like never using God's name in vein...
I have always felt and proved it today, at home in the house of the lord!!

February 23rd you say.....

I swear to you I picked up pen and paper, o.k., computer and thoughts and wrote just a few days ago!! LITERALLY where does the time go?
It has been quite uneventful if that helps explain the hiatus...10 months is a pretty lengthy time to have been absent {minded} and away from so much expression. 
I can guarantee that things are, have been in constant motion and I am convinced it is all for the best! Well, at least that is what my heart says at this very second, other than that, it is a daily struggle in regards to the "what's & why's" {insert confused face}.
I have always thought it..
I have always said it..
and now I will preach it..
GOD HAS A PLAN FOR US ALL and I think I may have figured out what his plan is for me/us. 
I promise to not keep you at bay for 10 months, so stay tuned for a HUGE announcement and buckle up for a journey of a lifetime 💛

I am THAT parent

I was that parent you may have come across today. I was the one walking in the parking lot with my 9 year old son who was attempting to, o.k., was throwing the hellatious fit because we were leaving before he was ready. He definitely lives by his own self-stirred time frame which most of the time has me questioning "is the fight even worth it?"
To me it is, how else will he learn boundaries or rules without setting guidelines? This is proving to be difficult with a child that has a touch of every single learning disability, sensory and cognitive issue, or so it seems. He may look normal to you but to me, he is special in more ways than one! He is not just a "bratty kid" trying to get his way, he is not doing this on purpose, it is who he is and I am trying the best I know how. Your stares seem as if they would be the same if he exhibited at least one physical affliction which really makes me question if he looked the part would people like you be more accepting of his demeanor?!
If you see me yelling, it's o.k., he is deaf and refuses to wear his hearing aides in public for fear of what people will think of him, oxymoron, I know, still a battle on non-school days that I do not even entertain. If you see him jumping out of his skin, or me pulling him back to me (usually with force) it is to get his attention as he almost walked into the path of a moving vehicle. If you think I am ignoring my name being called, repeatedly and assume I am flat out ignoring my child, please know I am not, I heard him the prior 10 times he called my name and I have already given my answer or explanation to him, it just isn't what his "tick" wants to hear. If you see someone talking to my child and his eyes are only fixated on me, this is by no means a scare tactic on my part, he is THAT unsure of himself in most social situations. 
The he best way to describe it is when we are out in public, he is aware we are out and may come in contact with several different people, but to him, especially when he gets in his "zone" it is just him and I. This makes the interaction between us not so personal anymore and opens us/me up to scrutiny in the way I converse with him, handle his fits, and deal with his outbursts.
I am not a bad parent, I am a parent who cares about her son, would do anything, including giving my own life for my son, just as any of you would! I have a son I chose to take out and expose to the world, and not in a freak show kind of way, a way that exposes him to life's lessons that will be more valuable to him as he slowly accepts them, albeit only on his terms. I am tired of the look I get as if you are waiting for an an apology from me or an explanation for his behavior, I don't owe that to anyone. 
So for now, please know I have and will always teach my son to be polite and respectful, it is to be given and when given it is earned, and understand that I will always be THAT parent you may see or run into when you are out in public!