Do YOU walk with God?

**WARNING** 2 year old post, YES, I am trying, yet again to become more and more "faithful" to myself and as I read this post, how appropriate it is to publish it today ~ Happy Reading!!
 

WELP! I did it, took the leap today and let me just tell you how good, GREAT it felt to walk back into a church (that didn't burn down).
I knew I was losing it, truly losing it, everything seemed beyond my control yet it was all happening right in front of my face and in lightening speed. I can honestly say that the day I got the phone call that my baby sister was leaving us, I have never experienced such pain and heartache than I have in the last two weeks! I proclaim to be one of the strongest people on earth, I have been through enough so I think, scratch that, I KNOW I am entitled. I will also tell you that I was in no way, shape or form prepared to do what I have done and will have to do for the next few months.
I was silently asking for help, because it is in NO way acceptable for me to ask for real, a curse maybe, safety net, for sure. I grew up in a traditional Catholic family, the events faded as my family grew, but the Sunday's at my grandparents was a for sure thing until my grandfather became ill and passed away my senior year of high school, this would be the first time I experienced death. Whether my parents shielded me from any of it in my younger years to this day, I was not sure, but this was the first of a long list of good-byes I would have to participate in.
I hold close to my heart, my grandfather's crucifix...
I have an engraved bible from a dear friend that knew I needed it more than I did...
I have always held family and childhood traditions close, like never using God's name in vein...
I have always felt and proved it today, at home in the house of the lord!!

Be careful what you wish for....

I pray always for her to give me some sort of sign that I am fulfilling her wishes. I want to know I have made her proud in her eyes, I beg to know she is happy with the way he is being taken care of.

How ridiculous is this, I am yearning for something I will never get, setting myself up for one heartache after another. A confirmation that simply does not exist!

I am not giving up and have been accused of looking "way" to deep into things and that what I have seen/felt or experienced is nothing that could possibly be from the other side. I stand, write here, that I know for certain I recieved one of my signs this evening, so I guess that makes me guilty as charged❣

He came home from school in a great mood, professed his love for me and his daddy (totally unprovoked) within an hour of walking through the door. "I love tou mommy, I love you Daddy" ~ those words are truly heart melting. Nearing his bedtime he sticks close by, purring around each one of us as if he were a cat looking for a little extra attention-which of course he got!!  

He asked for his crayon pencil he got as a valentine from a friend at school and proceeded to write me a note (which he has actually done a few times just recently) and has let me know I can write him notes as well 😋 

He wrote; 

I THANKED him for the sweet note and I hugged him tight and asked him why he loved me/us SO much...he said as we were now being silly "you're a good family for me!" I lost it and had to hold him even tighter...

THAT, I know, was a sign from her to me saying "Thank You for caring for my son!"