... that TODAY would be the day I can cross off one of my (secret) Bucket List items?!
I am not in any way implying that we need to set a 'list' of things we would love to accomplish before we leave this earth, because by mere chance, if there are items on that list that are not crossed off then one may be left to feel like they have failed and not lived a very productive or full life~
I'd like to think a Bucket List is a visual goal that allows you to keep perspective of what is important to you; places, people, {secret} desires, fears and more can be conquered at ones own discretion!
Today is a very far stretch for me, I have a TON of excitement and a TON more anxiety just thinking of the possibilities~the smallest of chances that I may get the message I have been longing for for, grieving for, for over 7 years. One I know I may never get, even if it is on a one on one basis, who knows but who am I to deny myself the very opportunity?!
TODAY is a great day and TODAY I get to cross a line off my 'list' WHO KNEW .. .. ..
6.04.2014
5.01.2014
What's Up ?!
.. nothing much .. I heard a song last night, well I actually heard it early that day as well while I had the boys at the park, I was taking a few minutes to reflect (within myself), it has quickly become one of my fav's .. for no certain reason other than the meaning is so broad it can apply to almost anything that may be happening in your life on any given day .. "Say Something" by this Great Big World ~ it has a hint of solitude, sadness, regret, loss and perhaps envy!
Intrigued I looked up the meaning behind the lyrics and found a plethora of definitions and came up with my own; (finally the whole purpose for the entry today) "apathy for nothing and sympathy for everything" isn't that awesome?!
I mean it explains it all, Plain and Simple!!
Intrigued I looked up the meaning behind the lyrics and found a plethora of definitions and came up with my own; (finally the whole purpose for the entry today) "apathy for nothing and sympathy for everything" isn't that awesome?!
I mean it explains it all, Plain and Simple!!
4.30.2014
I have always considered myself an optimistic person, yet sometimes I have been convinced the glass is always half empty..I saw this today and it made me reflect on a comment David made just the other day!
He was heading outside to play and asked if he could have something to drink and take it outside, I had a half empty, excuse me, half full bottle of water that I gave him to take with him, as he took it, looked at it and then turned to me and said "mom, this is almost half gone!" I had a rush of the mouth that wanted to lash back and tell him that his glass will ALWAYS be half full and never look at it to be half empty or gone..
"the wisest of (wo)men should heed their own advice" right?! Have a great day and enjoy a little reflection!
"the wisest of (wo)men should heed their own advice" right?! Have a great day and enjoy a little reflection!
4.28.2014
skating fever!
I pretty sure we don't give David as much credit as he deserves sometimes .. we take him skating all the time, every weekend, most of the time Friday, Saturday and Sunday!
David has a few little buddies that go skating and he is SO excited when they are all there at the same time~he has this one boy he just idolizes, he wants to be like him so bad, David follows him around doing his tricks and stunts~if I might add he keeps up very well, David might even be surpassing his skills :)
This boy is being raised by his grandparents, his mother is in the picture but is not around for daily care (I don't know the entire story). Last night David asked me where this boys mother was "why is he always here with his grandma? did his mom die too?" I told him she did not die "she can't take care of him so he wanted to live with his grandma and grandpa!" David looked a little confused and said "oh" soooooo she is not died like my mother Tanya is, right?!" I said, "No, she is not..." well mom, "then why did my fodder die too?" I told him, "he was sick David, and..." David interrupted me and asked "they could take care of me and they loved me, they just died right?" Yes, that is right son, "O.K. and you and daddy always wanted a boy like me so that is why I came to live with you, right mom, right?!" Absolutely son, ABSOLUTELY!
I know I have recited his curiosity before, his inquisitions, wonders, concerns but each time they pull just a little harder on my, on our heart strings ~ I can't tell you why, and the answer is always the same, I guess I worry he needs the confirmation, but why, he did not suffer the loss I have suffered, he truly knows no other, I can't put my finger on it ~ maybe some day it will all come together, maybe I am anticipating too much and expecting way less?!
Hmmmmm
David has a few little buddies that go skating and he is SO excited when they are all there at the same time~he has this one boy he just idolizes, he wants to be like him so bad, David follows him around doing his tricks and stunts~if I might add he keeps up very well, David might even be surpassing his skills :)
This boy is being raised by his grandparents, his mother is in the picture but is not around for daily care (I don't know the entire story). Last night David asked me where this boys mother was "why is he always here with his grandma? did his mom die too?" I told him she did not die "she can't take care of him so he wanted to live with his grandma and grandpa!" David looked a little confused and said "oh" soooooo she is not died like my mother Tanya is, right?!" I said, "No, she is not..." well mom, "then why did my fodder die too?" I told him, "he was sick David, and..." David interrupted me and asked "they could take care of me and they loved me, they just died right?" Yes, that is right son, "O.K. and you and daddy always wanted a boy like me so that is why I came to live with you, right mom, right?!" Absolutely son, ABSOLUTELY!
I know I have recited his curiosity before, his inquisitions, wonders, concerns but each time they pull just a little harder on my, on our heart strings ~ I can't tell you why, and the answer is always the same, I guess I worry he needs the confirmation, but why, he did not suffer the loss I have suffered, he truly knows no other, I can't put my finger on it ~ maybe some day it will all come together, maybe I am anticipating too much and expecting way less?!
Hmmmmm
4.27.2014
only a little sad..
I read a post this morning from a dear friend who has REALLY been through it, face it, we all have at one time or another in our lives, anyone who will not own up to it is either A-fibbing (and totally shorting yourself the lessons) or B-making a difference because of it!
It is the little things and the bigger picture I personally like to look at ~ I like to reflect on the little things I have done for myself as well for others, I try to see the bigger impact it will have down the road and pray it will have more affect on them than it did for me, is this what we call paying it forward?
What do they say? "the past is the past because it is gone, the present is a gift from God so make today count?"
It must be needing a friend day, I read and engaged in another post with an old school friend and as she confirmed she has had some bumps the last few years she also confessed she has had to change her ways of thinking to find her blessings and peace. I countered with; our old ways of thinking, believing and living may not have been what we thought them to be, we are never too old to re-think the possibilities of a life we never thought we could have ~ this may include a loss, a death, a divorce and whatever to whomever, it is still a step forward to realize and acknowledge that change can make a difference, and that you have to make that first step, is this what we call Life's Lessons?
A recently widowed LEO (law enforcement officer (wife) posted that she was obviously still having a hard time dealing with the sudden loss of her husband, killed on duty and hour before he was to get off work. The post continued saying how cruel it was of some people to (want to) befriend a widowed woman and how she should delete most of these people, it is like slowing down on the freeway to see what happened on a crash site, you slow down because you want to know ever little detail but there is no way in hell you want to be any part of it!
As a fellow LEO wife I can not imagine, I have the pleasure of being on her friend's list yet I can't offer much more than that, I can't offer any words of advice as I have never experienced such a loss and would not want to. I can offer my understanding of being married to someone who upholds the highest integrity, honesty and passion for saving human lives as he puts his on the line each night he leaves his family to do what he has been trained to do ~ he's not only risking his life, he is risking his families as well, if he returns home it is a gift, if he does not return home it is not just a loss of his life, a part of his entire family dies as well! It is what he signs up to do and it is what we sign up to do as their spouses ~
It is the little things and the bigger picture I personally like to look at ~ I like to reflect on the little things I have done for myself as well for others, I try to see the bigger impact it will have down the road and pray it will have more affect on them than it did for me, is this what we call paying it forward?
What do they say? "the past is the past because it is gone, the present is a gift from God so make today count?"
It must be needing a friend day, I read and engaged in another post with an old school friend and as she confirmed she has had some bumps the last few years she also confessed she has had to change her ways of thinking to find her blessings and peace. I countered with; our old ways of thinking, believing and living may not have been what we thought them to be, we are never too old to re-think the possibilities of a life we never thought we could have ~ this may include a loss, a death, a divorce and whatever to whomever, it is still a step forward to realize and acknowledge that change can make a difference, and that you have to make that first step, is this what we call Life's Lessons?
A recently widowed LEO (law enforcement officer (wife) posted that she was obviously still having a hard time dealing with the sudden loss of her husband, killed on duty and hour before he was to get off work. The post continued saying how cruel it was of some people to (want to) befriend a widowed woman and how she should delete most of these people, it is like slowing down on the freeway to see what happened on a crash site, you slow down because you want to know ever little detail but there is no way in hell you want to be any part of it!
As a fellow LEO wife I can not imagine, I have the pleasure of being on her friend's list yet I can't offer much more than that, I can't offer any words of advice as I have never experienced such a loss and would not want to. I can offer my understanding of being married to someone who upholds the highest integrity, honesty and passion for saving human lives as he puts his on the line each night he leaves his family to do what he has been trained to do ~ he's not only risking his life, he is risking his families as well, if he returns home it is a gift, if he does not return home it is not just a loss of his life, a part of his entire family dies as well! It is what he signs up to do and it is what we sign up to do as their spouses ~
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